When You Need Help Just Call...

I grew up on the Disney Afternoon. Long before the Disney Channel became a basic cable station (that's right - it started out as a premium add on like HBO - imagine having to pay extra for such sensations like Lizzy Maguire and Hannah Montana), back when Nickelodeon boasted a daytime lineup of Lassie and Flipper reruns, and when cartoons not only still dominated the Saturday morning landscape but the afternoon frontier as well, there was a two hour block on UPN that I would watch religiously every afternoon - and while it's iterations changed often over the years there was really nothing quite like the originals (though Darkwing Duck and Goof Troop were both excellent additions):
Gummi Bears
Ducktales
Tale Spin

and most especially Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers.

I absolutely loved Chip and Dale. Dale with his carefree, wisecracking ways. Chip's relentless sense of determination, adventurism, his responsibility. His unrequited feelings for Gadget. They were my heroes, my friends. They were awesome.
And I only realized years later just how much they had infuenced my fashion sense, as to this day I still think that either a hawain shirt or leather jacket/fedora combination are the ultimate examples of 'cool.' I've sadly abandoned the hawain shirts, but that leather jacket is here to stay thanks to Chip and his bomber jacket ways.
And of course I would be drawn to the Disney Cartoon about a group of concerned citizens running around solving pint-sized crimes.

I had the Disney afternoon audio-casette that I listened to almost every night (why lie, I still have it somewhere), and was terribly disappointed that the theme song was the only C&D song on the tape (what a great tape, but too much Tale Spin). I can still sing the entire extended version of the theme song, including the little known break-down section.

"Some times some crimes go slipping through the cracks..."

Chances are if you grew up in the '90s you're humming along right now, despite yourself. Don't stop. They did cartoon theme songs right back in our heyday, the second (or maybe third) golden era of children's anmation, an era that is certainly over now as we move into the grand age of Pixar and computer animation while Saturday morning lineups drop like flys and cel animators are losing jobs even faster than the rest of us.

So chances are you may have loved Chip and Dale too.
But not as much as me.

So when I went to Disney World as a kid, all I wanted to do was see Chip and Dale. That was it. Forget rides, or roller coasters, games and food. I just wanted to see the Rescue Rangers. And I spent the whole day looking and couldn't find them.

Until we got to a stuffed animal kiosk and there they were - Chip and Dale stuffed animals, Chip with his hat and jacket, Dale in his trademark floral print. Not just Chip and Dale, Pluto's tiny tormentors. The full on, honest to god, Rescue Rangers.
I mean, this was the mother load. I was going home with Chip and Dale.

I was told I could have one. Just one. I had to pick.
Who did I want more?

I started to cry. I couldn't do it. Any choice would have been a complete and total betrayal to the other. To myself.
So I cried. Because I just couldn't imagine one without the other. And in my head, if to no one else, it wasn't a temper tantrum. It was a moment of genuine turmoil. I didn't know how to choose.

And looking back on it I think I was confronted with one of life's extraordinarilly hard realities for the first time that day, at least consciously. The idea of priorities. That no matter how much you love two things, eventually you'll be forced to make a decision to love one of them more.

I think we have to do that all the time.

Eventually, after crying and begging and pleading, I picked Chip. I think, deep down, I knew that I liked Chip just a little bit more but didn't want to admit it. It was the fedora, and the lasso, and him being the leader. It was just a tiny bit more. But I didn't want the shame of having a favorite. That sense of guilt. I genuinely didn't want Dale to feel less loved.
I went to sleep that night in our hotel room clutching Chip to me, both sad and glorious all together.

But when I woke up, Dale was there too.

Forget finding them in the park, that was the happiest moment of my little life so far.

It turns out that after I went to sleep my Dad went back out to the park during the night, and bought Dale to surprise me. He put him there with me and Chip while I was sleeping. When I woke up, I was surrounded. The team was together again. It was my first understanding of joy.

It was one of those incredibly nice and kind things a father does for his son. I still have those dolls, somewhere at my old home.

I've never forgotten it, and I probably never will.

I'm sharing this story now because I haven't had a lot I've felt comfortable writing about lately. The things I want to say, the things that are currently on my mind may not best be explored or shared in a public forum, even if I want to, even if this sort of writing is what helps me process. That's a lesson I've learned a few times over - from Livejournal, to Serpentina, to that damn stupid play. And it's a lesson I have no doubt I'll be forced to learn again and again.

But suffice it to say, things between me and my father aren't very good. They haven't been for a long, long time. No stories, no specifics, just a context. Things are bad there, and most of the time that toxicity is all I can remember ever being a part of that relationship.

But then there's Chip and Dale.
And I remember that too.



PS - I'm Back.

Ratatouille and Battlestar Galactica!?

Pardon my indulgence, but it's rare for me to discuss in depth one of the greater passions I retained from undergrad; namely, Jungian psychological theory and its relation to storytelling mediums.

(Property of Richard Chapman)

Perhaps my fascination rests in the concept that, despite the dramatic differences between the various ethnicities and heritages of humanity, a representative set of (near infinite) constants still arise universally from all cultures across the world. Examples can be seen between sand mandalas and stained-glass church windows to even theater-culture's own application of Jungian Archetypal Theory (developed by Pearson). Needless to say, the idea of a "collective unconsciousness" and the presence of Jungian archetypes across different mediums remains a persistent part of my thoughts and analyses. Imagine my excitement to find that I may have recognized an American cultural favorite between two distinctive mediums - Science Fiction and Animation. A shocking find, I've recently discovered that Disney/Pixar's Ratatouille shares some striking archetypal parallels with Ronald D. Moore's re-imagined series Battlestar Galactica - particularly between characters Remy the Rat and Gaius Baltar. (consider this post "spoilerific")

Remy (voiced by stand-up comedian Patton Oswalt; seen right) is Ratatouille's protagonist, a young rat born with an inalienable desire for higher learning and sophistication, and with a nose more sensitive than your average rodent's. Pinned down by his blue-collar, French-country roots and his father's supreme mandate, Remy dreams to cook and create the finest French cuisine. We learn early on that Remy is a little selfish and self-centered, not nearly content with securing his family's well-being as the official "poison detector" (He has the unique ability to smell and segregate rat poison). He regularly disobeys the rules ensuring rat-survival to follow his flights of fancy by sneaking into the kitchen to learn French gourmet. Of course, he learns to read in the process from a cookbook written by his idol Chef Auguste Gusteau. To be fair, he remains loyal - begrudgingly fulfilling his duties with no more than an argument with his father - and the audience certainly sympathizes with his desire to follow his aspirations.

Remy's life heads to a turning point when he's separated from his pack during an emergency and stranded in the sewers. On the verge of starvation, Remy begins speaking with the hallucination of his beloved idol Gusteau - who helps him to stay alive, serves as an encouraging mentor, and represents his conscience and sense of guilt. Their travels take them to Paris, France where Remy can vicariously experience the sophistication and prestige of being a gourmet chef through Linguini, his near talentless human friend. Remy is frequently tested during his endeavors to become a better person and friend at the risk of becoming vindictive and hurtful. His journey teaches him not only to follow his dreams, but to become less selfish and understand the perspective of others. Remy learns to be forgiving and to use his gift to help his friends and family instead of just himself. BSG's Baltar shares similar distinctive parallels.

Battlestar Galactica covers the events following the nuclear genocide and near extinction of the human race - of which Gaius Baltar (seen left; portrayed by British actor James Callis) is the inadvertent cause. Through out Baltar's journey, we learn of Baltar's early life as the son of a poor farmer, the altering of his accent to sound more refined and to abandon his past, and his ultimate goal in becoming affluent and sophisticated . A fervent liar and manipulator, Baltar's decisions swim in moral ambiguity and it is often left to the audience to determine whether his actions are justified. He is vain, egotistical, and arrogant - but still very human - and his primary motivation is his own survival. Baltar's endeavors eventually prepare him to become a key player in humanity's survival, to abandon his self-serving nature in the process, and to hone his gifts for the general good.

Baltar is introduced as a famous, young genius who mastered multiple sciences and capitalized on his brilliance. Despite his intelligence, he illegally hires his lover (seen below; portrayed by Tricia Helfer) to aid him in designing a security program for the entire military, for which he retains full credit (despite her performing a great deal of the work). When she catches him sleeping with

another woman, his lover reveals that she is a Cylon - robotic servants created by mankind who rebelled forty years ago, disappeared after a truce, who have returned, and now appear human - of which she is the 6th model out of 12. She informs him that she left several back doors in the security program to exploit, that the Cylons intend on eradicating the entire human race, and that she is going to save his life because she is in love with him. Immediately thereafter, she uses her body to shield him from the shock-wave of a nuclear blast, allowing him to survive. As fate would have it, Baltar makes it off the planet with the other survivors when he suddenly begins to see (and feel) apparitions of his former lover. Her image (nicknamed "Head Six") serves as his guide throughout the entire series as he learns the value in putting others before himself. Whether Head Six is real and what she represents is debatable, although she overtly serves as Baltar's guilt complex, his survival instinct, and an outlet for his sexual impulses. Only Baltar can see, feel, and interact with her, appearing to babble madly at the air to anyone else. Although she doesn't always appear benevolent, Baltar is utterly dependent on Head Six for his survival and redemption as the series barrels forward.

From their working-class roots to the lessons they learn, Remy and Baltar share an interesting comparison. Aside from the more mature theme of BSG, their journeys are nearly identical from start to finish. Whether these roles function as an archetype is certainly debatable, but I ask you to compare them to a character like Shakespeare's Hamlet - who is also self-centered, bright, and (arguably) whose guilt complex manifests as the ghost of his idolized father. The only difference with Hamlet, of course, is that his madness presses him down a path of destruction and tragedy, as opposed to Remy and Baltar who ultimately are better for it. Much like the "anti-hero" archetype, we, as people, enjoy this concept, as it produces very human characters who either slowly learn how to redeem themselves or deservedly fail - a notion which is universally accessible. I expect that there are many more roles that share similarities with these characters - can you think of any? Post below.

Iowa? Wait - Iowa??

This is in response, of course, to This Headline on CNN today. The State of Iowa handed down legislation unanimously overturning a ban on same-sex marriage in the state. Gay couples are no longer second-class citizens within the fringes of America's heartland. Iowa now joins Connecticut and Massachusetts as the only 3 states in the union to allow homosexual couples to marry. Even as this happens, the states of New Hampshire and Vermont have already passed similar bills, however they are expected to face strong opposition and possibly gubernatorial vetoes.

The Iowa ruling overturned a 1998 decision once it was determined that banning gay marriage went against the state constitution. It was decided that prohibiting gay couples from full and legal civil marriages was in direct violation of the state of Iowa's equal protection clause. It will take 3 weeks before the decision becomes law, but no appeals are immediately expected at this time.

However, that does not mean no one is trying to start one. From the article, Brian English, spokesman for the Iowa Family Policy Center, states that he and his ilk are "extremely disappointed, saddened, and a little surprised" regarding the unanimous decision. English's group works on "strengthening the family." They have promised to seek immediate action to have the resolution overturned and return the Constitution of Iowa to its original wording, which limited all unions to those between a man and a woman. English and other opponents of gay marriage prayed outside the courthouse as they awaited the court decision.

I would like to pose a question to you, Mr. English. Feel free to respond. We are, after all, a community, one open to debate and others opinions. Thus I ask you; if you are committed to strengthening the family, how does union between two men or two women weaken the family? Does it weaken your family ties if a gay couple is married? I do not want to speculate, sir, but if that is the case could it not be the result of a deficiency on your part? Or are you trying to strengthen the idea of family? Is your group crusading based on an idea rather than any tangible goal? How do you know when a family has been strengthened? Would your time not be better spent working to help victims of spousal abuse or fund raising to improve the quality of schools? Would families not benefit more from better after-school programs or grants for educational television rather than an opposition to gay marriage? You'll forgive me if I fail to see where you strengthen family bonds with this particular issue. Perhaps you can explain it to me.

And, Mr. English, if the opponents of gay marriage prayed outside the courthouse and yet a unanimous decision striking down the ban was still reached, perhaps you should examine the idea that God is not on your side?

Just something to consider.

It's More or Less the Same Thing (Except Not)

I hear it from time to time, and it always bothers me. Sometimes I say something, but it doesn't always warrant a correction. I don't always know if people are unaware of the grammatical distinction or if they just don't care enough to use the correct word. But then I was watching TNT (Law & Order, obviously) and I heard their new slogan for their movies on TV: "More Movie. Less Commercials."

Ohhh my goodness. It's not that difficult, people. LESS is used when an item is not quantifiable. If it's impossible to count the number of something, it's not quantifiable. FEWER is used when an item is quantifiable - when you can count how many of the item you have. If Jane has three cats and Johnny only has one, then Johnny has fewer cats than Jane. Jane can't have three times though, so if Johnny has to be there in five minutes, but Jane has to be there in 15, Johnny has less time than Jane.

Now like I said, I don't always correct people, because usually it's not really a big thing. But TNT is a cable television station, not a person. Millions of people watch cable, and having a slogan like this justifies everyday use of improper English. Don't they have a single staff-person who might've caught that error? Is the opinion of marketing professionals that Americans are too stupid to notice or that they just won't care? Regardless, they're wrong, and it really bothers me that their mistake gets broadcast nationally.

Whether there are 3 commercials or 70 in between each 15 minute segment of Catch Me If You Can, it should be "More Movie. Fewer Commercials."

Roundtable Volume 2, #2

Good evening to you all, or good day to our international followers of timezones myriad. It is time once again for an edition of These Gentleman's signature series, the Roundtable. At the beginning of the week, our illustrious gentlemen were posited a question, and their assembled responses can now be viewed and discussed here, in what we hope is our budding community.

The query posed the group this time was in regards to the recent economic unpleasantness. I use the term as one might use it to describe the actions of Jack the Ripper. In light of the brutal actions taken upon the prostitute the global economy has become, I asked each our gentlemen what changes they have had to make due to the crisis. Their responses were varied in both length and descriptiveness, as it has clearly hit some harder and in more tangible ways than others. In this way it would seem we are a mirror for the world at large, a microcosm, if you will, of the gentlemen of the world.

Long-winded intro now satisfied, let us dive right in to the responses, and hopefully, the discussion which results. Be sure to join us again next week when the Roundtable convenes once more.


Jason Schlafstein

I've had to start being a little less of an idiot. Jury's still out on how exactly that's going.









Max Nova

To be honest I haven't made any drastic changes, I still spend probably more than I should on cds and books, and my music purchasing has slowed down but not really because of the economy. At this point I have a whole lot of it and I'm not sure what strange noises to investigate next. Day to day I think I've more or less gone about things the same way, and I'm pretty happy about that.


Brittany Graham

I don't know because as long as I've been a college graduate, the economy has been crappy. I don't know where the poor economy meets being a recent college grad meets being a freelance artist, not that the difference really matters any to my wallet. The only thing different now is that my dad stopped advising me to get a retirement plan as soon as possible. But I'm about as poor as I expected to be after four years of "you're definitely going to be poor for awhile after you graduate."






David Pratt

The economic downturn came for me at a time when I was already strapped for cash in a big way. The only major change I can say I've made is a steadfast resolution to pay for food as infrequently as possible. My meal layout is currently on something like a $1 a day budget.

I did have to give up spending $20 a week on comic books. That hurt.


John Ozkirbas

Fortunately, the economy has effected me very minimally. I live at home for the time being, so I have a very short list of expenses (and my family has always been careful about what we spend our money on). I'm not working, nor can I more than 15 hours a week should I so choose. It's hard to find summer work, but, apparently, I'm actually a desired commodity in my field - small firms are more willing to take on 1st year law students than pay 2nd or 3rd years. I just won't be getting paid (which, well, smells afoul). In my personal life, I'm just careful not to spend frivolously, though I usually was careful before.

My right to complain is not dynamic. My family business isn't going under. I'm not waiting for another construction job for an indeterminable amount of time. My company isn't going to lay me off and replace me with an entry-level college grad. I'm not an artist who depends upon his art for income in this economy. I (hopefully) won't be looking for a career-job before the next two years. I'm just not within the demographic of people who will be affected the most. I'm lucky and I fully understand that - as there are many (including some friends) who have been directly affected and will continue to be for awhile, despite whatever stimulus plan is going to come through. In witnessing that, I suppose you can say that's the biggest way I've been "affected" - I prefer to see the people around me and in my life prosper as opposed to struggle.

Damien Nichols

Let's see here. I've gotten a bicycle, cut my driving by a lot. Moved closer to my job (within a mile). Negotiated for a raise at work (didn't get one, but was able to get put on flextime, so I get every friday off, YEAH!). Started seeking outside income for small odd jobs. Started pooling resources amongst friends for big family-style meals. This is not only economical, its just great to spend an evening cooking and breaking bread with friends. I've also started negotiating to eliminate or reconsolidate my debt, lectured my father on his wasteful spending and lack of planning for the future (tisk tisk). Looking around at the stock market to figure out who the winners of this depression will be. And finally, I've started wrapping my head around the concept of a total economic collapse.

What do you do when money isn't worth anything any more? Gotta be able to eat, have shelter, transportation, etc. without the exchange of dollars. Scary, but doable!

Daniel Strauss

I can no longer afford McDonald's value meals. It's ridiculous, but, $6.50 for a McNugget meal is friggin insane. I now order exclusively off the dollar menu. Got to.









Ali Daniels

Honestly, the economic troubles haven’t really hit me that hard. I am fortunate that my parents, never being very well off, taught me early the value of saving and never buying something unless I had enough money to pay for it in that moment. I’m already working 2.5 jobs, and a lot of that money goes into rainy day savings, so I don’t feel the pressure of the downed economy, because I can support myself until my investments pick back up.

Because of lower interest rates, I have rolled my long-term investments into accounts with shorter terms, so that when the market stabilizes and rates go back up, I’m not locked into a crappy deal, but that hasn't really personally affected me.

I was inspired, though, to give up my credit card for Lent because of the economy, and it’s been working out pretty well, but I definitely miss it. I’ve been spending less money, but not enough to give up Amazon.com. Not by a long shot.

University Style

Today I saw a man jogging in a maroon (University of) Virginia sweatshirt. And besides thinking that 70 degrees is far to warm to be jogging in a sweatshirt, I also thought about how wrong it was for someone to be wearing clothing for a college that is in the color of the University's primary in-state rival.

Sometime in the past few years, the color scheme for university clothing broke free from the bounds of the actual colors associated with the actual university and just became a free-for-all. Now you can see good-looking folks walking around with school approved hoodies that match their iPod shuffles. And while it seems petty to pick this fight, many Universities work for decades and even centuries to establish a reputation. In these places Crimson is more than a color. So seeing a teal Maryland shirt makes me a bit sad. I admit that some colleges have terrible color schemes, but if you chose to go to Clemson, then thems the breaks if you want to wear something appropriate when attend sporting events.

I still think there is some wiggle room. Many pro-sports and some college teams have been eager to adopt a third jersey. The entire purpose of this is to make more money, obviously, but it also offers a chance to stretch the color scheme a bit, hopefully in the bounds of good taste. The Wizards third jerseys are a cautionary tale (not shown in the picture are the accompanying gloves so that you can do *JAZZ HANDS*). But the Pittsburgh Penguins third jerseys are kind of fantastic (shame about the team being a bunch of sissy crybabies).



And then there's one other bugaboo of college fashion -- wearing clothing for other Universities. Now it's one thing if you're a professor, or a grad student, but quite another if your an undergrad. Let's take a few scenarios using Stanford as an example. I pick them because Stanford is a fine school and will be unsullied by my reference.

Scenario 1: You went on an overnight visit to Stanford. But you clearly do no go to Stanford, you go to Maryland.

Scenario 2: Your parents/older sibling/great uncle went to Stanford. This is great, and I bet they're super smart. But you aren't attending Stanford, you go to Maryland.

Scenario 3: You transferred from Stanford. I'm glad you made the switch to Maryland, and I hope it's the right one. But now you don't go to Stanford anymore, you go to Maryland.

Clearly you, Mr. Stanford-shirt-wearer, should donate that shirt and buy a Maryland one. Preferably in Red.

My Decade

I was there for the '80s in body if not in spirit and I am an '80s child for better or worse.

In the '90s I went from elementary school to high school, and did a lot of physical, if not mental, maturing.

But this has been my decade. the '00s (the zeros, the aughts, the double O, whatever you want to call it) has been when things have really happened, and it will be strange to bid it adieu next year. Over the course of the decade I've had my first drink, my first smoke, lost my virginity, as well as plenty of other firsts . . . and second, thirds, and fourths. I also did more traveling than I had before, went to more concerts, read more books and met most of the folks who I count as friends.

And as much as I wish this first decade of adulthood had started with a positive jam, in truth it will probably not be looked at fondly in the grand scheme of things - it began with teenagers steeling music, ended with businessmen stealing money, plus the car companies fucking up all around, and a certain president who loomed over 8 miserable political years. Justin Fenton, an acquaintance at Maryland tried to brand my college class, (the kids who started college in '01), as the 9/11 generation in two articles he wrote. I find this rather sickening, and if anything we've been a generation who has split in a million directions. Sure you can still find plenty of folks in dorm rooms watching the Simpsons or 24 or Gray's Anatomy but if you look a little closer, you can see that the vast expanse of the internet has divided things greatly. There's more freedom than there's ever been.

All this is to say, up until this point when I've looked back at each year there have always been things that are new or better that I can point to. But I can see the plateau up ahead. At some point in the near future things will level out. The next decade will be for the kids entering college now and they will drink and smoke and do a lot of brilliant, stupid, and enjoyable things. The '00s almost killed me, but I couldn't have enjoyed them more.