Traffic here is bad. It's really bad. That is a given. But if the sky so much as considers a rain (or God forbid, a snow) shower, suddenly there are 3 car pileups every 100 meters and traffic is backed up for days. And as soon as the precipitation lets up, it's like it never happened. The sun shines and people once again drive like sane human beings who at one time stepped inside a driving school.
I have several theories as to why this is true:
There is something in the air.
That's not humidity, that's the vengeful spirits of slaves who were killed while first building our fair city[ies]. As they drowned in the swampy muck that would eventually become our congested, potholed street system they each shouted out, "One day there will be horseless carriages on these roads, and when that day comes, we will seek our revenge!" And it was so.
There is something in the water.
Decades of lead poisoning and simply existing near the poor deceased Anacostia River and/or Chesapeake Bay has altered our brains in such a way that, whenever we are near moisture we FREAK OUT and cease to be able to make logical choices while operating heavy machinery.
There is something in our demographic makeup.
As a swirling mass of federal cops, Virginians, college-age New Jerseyans, beltway drivers and foreign diplomats, we are the perfect storm for Mass Traffic Hysteria, or MTH as it is known in medical circles.
And then there's the good old-fashioned DC favorite:
It's a conspiracy.
Those damned conservatives/liberals/foreigners/senators/gay people and women are at it again!!!
Any of these could be true. I tend to think all of them are.