Eat Your Heart Out, Rob Gordon

I had a movement teacher in college who could often be heard to list her Five Things Everyone Should Be Able To Do, and they were as follows:

1) swim

2) do a handstand

3) do a somersault

4) ride a unicycle

5) juggle

I can only do two and a half of those things, and I've come to terms with that. Because while I think all those skills can be highly marketable and/or sweet party tricks, I don't think that my life is particularly burdened by the fact that I cannot and probably will not ever juggle or ride a unicycle.

But there are some things that countless numbers of people cannot, have never, or will not do that would make their, not to mention others', lives so much easier. Simple things, really. Skills that save time and money and come in handy in an emergency and yet for some reason are only possessed by a fraction of the population.

For example:

Ten Things Everyone Should Be Able To Do (Should the Moment Arise):

1) swim (I'll give her that one)

2) tie a tie

3) read a map

4) sew (basic hemming and tailoring)

5) jump a car

6) change their car oil

7) cook (basic stews and casseroles)

8) balance their checkbook

9) stretch

10) drive stick shift

Which, of course, brings us to the inevitable:

Three Things That It Would Be Nice If We All DID Do:

1) speak more than one language

2) use blinkers when driving

3) fund the arts

I smell a Facebook app.

(Casa)Nova #2

Round #2

From Kat:
Why would a male of college age make his move on a girl (that he genuinely has feelings for) while she was drunk and he was not?
Is it a reverse form of "liquid courage"? Is that really a socially acceptable way to establish intent? And if so, what does that say about the college generation's mode of romantic expression?

There's still a perception with many people that alcohol is like a cheap truth serum (and if you're drinking Schlitz, the truth don't come much cheaper). This leads to all sorts of nasty situations: "I'll tell her the truth when I'm drunk," "I'll kiss him when I'm drunk," I'll run for President and show my dad that I'm not the failed Bush son." You get the idea.

But if one person is drunk and the other ain't, then it's not a level playing field. It's just liquid courage for cowards. Now, people will never stop doing dumb things when their drunk, and it doesn't magically dispel the consequences, but unless you're a nutter, you will have immediate and justified guilt for things they do when they're sober.

What I'm getting at is that making sober moves on drunk people is never acceptable no matter what plenty of people are doing at college. Just because T-Pain and Kid Rock and Rush Limbaugh exist doesn't mean it's ethical to imitate them in any way.

Despite what people of different religions and situations might say, there is without a doubt a baseline for human ethics, and this would fall below it.

From Oz:
If your significant other, of whom used to live with you, breaks up with you, but happens to leave their pet animal behind - what do you do with it? If this particular pet is nasty or aggressive, what are the proper channels to alleviate yourself of the pet - particularly if the sig. other is opposed to taking the animal back?

Like all things in life, this should be handled King Solomon style. Cut Fido in half and mail a bloody two-legged half of that mess to your ex. This should also be done with children. The King had it right the first time, but then he had to second guess himself.

(Casa)Nova #1

[Disclaimer: I am a feminist, humanist and humorist. Make of that what you will.]

I figure I will start with the first 2 1/2 questions, and we'll go from there, hopefully I will answer most of the questions posed, but who knows.

Ozkirbas asks - Dear Casanova: "When, if ever, is it appropriate to chastise parents for their unruly children? How is it done appropriately? And, can you provide a representative sample?"

I think that there is far to little public chastising in general. There are too many times to count now when someone's headphones are so loud on the metro that I can hear what song is playing or, even better, the person is playing a song out loud on their cellphone. I dream of confronting these people, and if you see my obituary in the near future, you will know why.

When confronting a parent there are a few things to take into account. What is the environment? Would I let my child do that? Is there an element of danger involved?

For example, two kids are running around a park playing tag and one slams into your leg. In this case you're in a park it's a sunny day, let it go.

If you're ridding on the metro during rush hour and there's a kid swinging back and forth on the poles like their monkey bars, then it's time to step in. It's easiest to just say flat out to the parent "Excuse me, that's dangerous." If the parent disagrees then you should call Child Protective Services, which you should already have on speed dial for just such an occasion.

Brittany asks - "Is there a universal rule for what is inappropriate public behavior for couples or is it just that I get uncomfortable easily?"

When you're single, PDA is like being surrounded by a bunch of Republican Red Sox fans. When you're in a relationship, though, it's generally not as big of a deal. But here's an easy rule of thumb, which should keep things classy. Don't do anything in public you wouldn't do in front of your parents. And by public I mean out on the street, waiting for the metro, sitting in a movie theater etc. If you want to fuck in a public restroom . . . that's your call.

For the sake of argument you should also assume that your parents are not Southern, or alcoholics, or Mormons, or Red Sox fans. Basically assume your parents aren't fuck-ups. Under that rubric, most parents would find some mild kissing or hand-holding all-right. Most parents would be creeped out by their kids groping each other under their clothes.

Brittany also asks - "What is your take on the oh-so prevalent myspace/facebook couples kissing picture? How do you think it reflects our society? DO you think it reflects our society?"

This response will seem amusing given one of the pictures used by one of our blog followers. I personally chose to define myself as myself at all times, and even if I was married with kids, would go to the same lengths I go to now to ensure that I am a recognizable individual.

That said, everyone has their thing. Some people build their life around their baby, some people want to completely and endlessly share every part of their life with a spouse. And more in general, some people will be "The NASCAR Guy" or "The libertarian Guy" (note: there are no female Libertarians) or "The Music Woman."

I think it's a pain that some people become part of a duprass but they way people define themselves it's essentially a part of their existence. It would be like saying "I really like you, but I'm tired of your kidney." The girlfriend has become like this guy's kidney, and the conversely the boyfriend has become the girl's small intestines.


[Special Addendum: Here's a one link response to this questions:
Meg asks - "Dear Casanova: Is there a polite way to approach the parents of an overextended, over-involved, and exhausted child about cutting back their kid's extracurricular activities? I am fairly close with the parents, somewhat closer with the child. The child has expressed a desire to pare down his activities, but fears his parents' disapproval. I hate to meddle, especially inappropriately, but I hate to see this kid so upset and worn out."
Check Out this Link: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/24/health/24well.html]