Cliff Chiang Remembers John Hughes Better than I Ever Could

“Dear Batman: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole
Saturday in Bat-detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you’re
crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us
as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient
definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is an archer, and a
speedster, and a swimmer, a princess, and an acrobat. Does that answer your
question? Sincerely yours, The Teen Titans.”

Thank you, John Hughes. Rest in peace.
-Cliff Chiang

Care of CliffChiang.com



Cliff Chiang is one of the best, and one of my personal favorite illustrators around.

And John Hughes is of course the man who made the phrase "Everything a Teenybopper Movie Should Be" have meaning in the first place.

Friday Entertainment Spectacular

This Friday, These Gentlemen presents an artistic foray into choral, orchestral, and electronic music with "Body Maps" by Paola Prestini. (<--- click. At the very least, her website has an amazing intro.)

Hila Plitman's voice is a testament to the beauty of human vocal ability
Celli: Jeffrey Zeigler

Enjoyable, no? An Italian-born, Julliard composition graduate, Prestini is renowned for the hauntingly beautiful music she crafts:

"Paola Prestini's music takes the listener on a journey through different life experiences, creating an aural and visual map of the different countries and cultures that have inspired her.These travels sonically reflect the impact that collective identities, cultures and values have when they meet and dissolve in a person whose artistic roots are the collective sum of many parts."

Truly amazing. Far better than I could ever describe it. For anyone interested in branching out and getting invested in some great choral work, here's the place to start. Maybe her mission statement speaks to me a little stronger than most, but it's still pieces like these that make me hope that, if I were to lose all my senses, my hearing would be taken last.

More Traffic Atrocities

Oh traffic jackassery. How accustomed I am to your ways. And it's not just the D.C. metro area either - as I drove through Baltimore City this morning trying to get to work, I felt myself filling with that familiar rage. That rage I feel when I'm faced with drivers who just won't use common sense.

I was going to comment on B's post, when I realized that what I had to say could fill up a post all its own. So (with her gracious permission) I would like to add my own little list of peccadilloes to hers:

1. Stay in your own damn lane. It's happened to all of us. We're driving along the highway, right as rain, when suddenly, traffic slows. We wait it out, wondering what problem we will face farther down the road. A terrible accident? Construction blocking three lanes? Or was it that elusive NOTHING? Ten minutes later, traffic picks up speed again, and with no reasonable explanation present, you're back on your way.

Often, that kind of traffic is the result of people who are just in too much of a hurry to stay in one lane. They see a brief opening in the lane next to them and jump into it, hoping that they'll gain that extra .5 seconds to speed ahead and make it to little Suzie's surgery 2 minutes sooner. But what does that mean for the rest of us? Typically, it means that the people behind the weaving little merger have to brake to let them into the lane. And then the people behind them have to brake. And when enough people spend their entire commute jumping from one lane to the next, trying to find the fastest moving aisle of traffic, enough brakes go on that the entire highway has to slow down. The traffic in the other lanes is going to get there just as quickly as yours is. I promise. Stop weaving please.

2. Don't wait to merge. If you see a sign (usually due to construction) telling you that the left lane is going to be closed in one mile, please, for the love of all things good in this world, don't wait to merge. Now, while traffic is still trucking along, merge (safely) into the right hand lane. Otherwise, everyone gets up to that blinking yellow arrow that tells you to consolidate into one lane, and a big ole line of cars forms as people now have to wait for a break in traffic to scooch into the open lane. And if this happens, I refer back to B's rules for merging: one at a time, folks. But really, you saw it coming. Just don't wait.

3. Don't hate on safe drivers. Okay, this one's not really a traffic rule, it's more a personal plea. I typically drive the speed limit on regular roads. When I'm on the highway, my average speed ranges from 3-7 mph over the speed limit. You might call me a grandma, but I've just found, in my seven years of driving, that this is a safe way to avoid accidents and tickets. If you want to speed, that's your prerogative. Feel free to pass me. But don't tail my bumper. (That just makes me want to slow down more.) Don't sit behind me and throw your hands up in the air so I know you're pissed. And DO NOT give me the finger or a dirty look as you pass me by. I'm the one following the rules here, buddy. If you want to break the law, go for it, but don't give me a hard time for doing what I'm supposed to.

It just makes sense. Traffic doesn't always have to be bad, and so I echo B's wish for good luck as you take to the roads this weekend.

I tried Los Campesinos!, I really did

So this evening (Wednesday as I write this) Los Campesinos! are playing at the fabulous Nightclub 930. And I really considered going, honest I did. I had heard their first album once before and it sounded alright, catchy in parts, plenty of silly song titles. And they're Scottish, so that's something something. Thus I downloaded their first album through eMusic (well most of it, the quality of eMusic has dropped off a cliff and their prices have gone up like a housing bubble and I will not be renewing my subscription) and gave it a listen. And I realized that it was just a bunch of rowdy Scottish youths with Comm degrees shouting at me out of key. And so I figured I would pass up the live show.

But this speaks to a broader issue, giving music a chance, or not. I listen to a lot of music, but I can't listen to everything. So sometimes I make blanket generalizations. I've heard enough of modern country music to know it's not really my thing. But I'm not going to dismiss all country music it out of hand. Willie Nelson is awesome, so are Cash and Merle and Hank and Ms. Cline.

And on a more specific basis, I don't think much of Arcade Fire. I listened to Funeral, and while there are some catchier tunes, I agree with the assessment my sister came up with -- it's just indie rock. Decent, but not deserving of the vast billowing hot air of hype that it has received. Yes, there are a lot of them banging on things on stage when they play live. But the album is still so so.

On the other hand I think Coldplay are great (yes, I know that a certain joke just popped into your head). My sister bought the first album and I avoided it for a while, think they were just another Travis, who I also gave a fair listen and found really dull. But Parachutes was and is fantastic. The guitar lines were catchy, the basslines excellent, the drumming as bland as English-made Indian food, and somehow everything clicked. Plus I really enjoy Mr. Martin's self-deprecation. He remains a sort of anti-Bono. I remember watching an early performance where he politely encourage the audience to get excited, as they were about to play their hit. What other lead singer lays it out like that?

But there are only so many hours in the day, so I'm dismissing Cymbal Eats Guitar and Tapes n Tapes and most of the crap that Stereogum hypes. Sorry guys.

EMMYS FAIL

In recent news, members of the Writer's Guild of America West (WGAW) are actively protesting changes to the upcoming Emmy Awards broadcast - primarily the choice to remove writer's awards from the live feed. Outraged, a selection of executive producers and showrunners have petitioned the Emmy's producers to return the award show to its previously scheduled program:

http://wga.org/content/default.aspx?id=3702

Writers and television showrunners feel both that the honor of receiving an award would be lessened and that this decision reinforces a hierarchy of importance - putting writers and penmen at the rock bottom. To retort, host Neil Patrick Harris and executive producer Don Mischer spoke to the Los Angeles Times about the proposed changes and what they would entail:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2009/08/tca-press-tour-emmys-producer-and-host-explain-changes-to-this-years-show.html

Essentially, Emmy producers want to "trim the fat," as they say. By taping the writer's speeches before hand and editing out all the "hugging" and "aisle walking," they've decided to "accentuate" the more interesting parts of the awards ceremony and save time.

Interesting times, indeed. How would YOU decide, America?

===================================================================

The Ozkirpinion:

It's not the end of the world. The Emmys, in purpose, are a little decadent and self-indulgent and a little bit of editing isn't going to ruin that for anyone. But, then again, isn't part of the Emmys for entertainers to congratulate their colleagues and give them a chance to show themselves to the world?

A lot of attention for TV shows drifts toward the series creators and the actors who play the parts. And, it makes sense - they're the literal faces of their respective programs and they're the metaphorical hooks that keep people coming back week after week. Writers rarely get the opportunity to stand out in the open and say, "Hey! Look at this awesome thing that I do and totally (read: usually) get paid for!" After so much time in the shadows, writing text, and developing the plots that keep people enticed, shouldn't they be allowed to come out into the daylight for just a little bit? True, the current Emmy programming would essentially allow for a degree of celebration discussed above, but why should the writers of programs be treated differently to begin with? "It might enhance viewership" seems to be the veil Emmy producers are hiding behind. Personally, I think it's bullshit. As Jason has noted below and as others have stated elswhere, "TV is a writer's medium." Why the hell should their walks down the aisle or their gratuitous hugging or self-celebration be any less important than anyone else's?

As I've said, it's not the end of the world. But, it doesn't have to be. A travesty is a travesty. And this, fellow Gentlemen, is the epitome of ungentlehood.

PS - Poor form, Neil Patrick Harris! I usually love most of what you do. But, then again, I remember Starship Troopers

Traffic Atrocity

DC is the 27th largest city, population-wise, in the United States. It is behind some obvious ones, like New York and L.A. (#1 and #2), and some not-so-obvious ones like Milwaukee (#22), San Jose (#10), and Columbus (#15).

Traffic-wise, however, it is a little higher. Twenty spots, in fact. DC-MD-VA beats out San Francisco-Oakland, Houston, and Detroit (all three cities with a higher population than DC) for the number seven spot on 2009's worst traffic cities list.

There are a few reasons for this, including the fact that DC is an enormous commuter city and the metro is in dire need of a circuitous route (go go gadget purple line!) in order to not be a waste of time half the time. But I think the biggest reason is a little something I like to call Jackass Traffic.

Have you ever sat in 2 hours of crawling traffic, only to get to the front and see it's all due to rubbernecking? You've been Jackass Trafficked.

Have you ever sat in the middle of the city, car idling as two lanes' worth of rush hour merges into one because one guy double parked and threw on his emergency lights so he could get a pack of cigarettes? You've been Jackass Trafficked.

Have you ever sat on the highway, watching helplessly, as scores of cars speed past you in the emergency lane only to throw on their blinker and slip in 500 feet ahead of you? You've been Jackass Trafficked.

Jackass Traffic comes in many forms and on many occasions, but the core is always this: the one jackass in the front of the line ruining it for everyone and generally contributing to the downward spiraling of the world.

Jackasses come in all shapes and sizes; some of them are foreign (read: non-Maryland) and don't know how roundabouts work. Some of them are really young and think texting and driving is a good idea. Some of them are really old and can't see over the wheel. Some of them are lost, or are in a much bigger hurry than the rest of us and therefore cannot deign to follow regular traffic courtesy. All of them are selfish and think their time is much more important than anyone else's on the road, and make traffic one hundred percent worse from their actions.

I don't know why there are more jackasses in this area than other places, but there are. So this is a plea for decency, a call for help and compassion. Please drive as if the other cars are humans with needs and worries just like your own. I bet you a hundred dollars at any point in time 65% of the people you see on the road are also late, or mad, or upset. And if they weren't before, they are now because they're sitting in traffic.

The following are some easy guidelines to follow in order to avoid becoming That Guy in Jackass Traffic:

- In merging: Let one go, then you go. If every single person on the road followed this at all times, traffic would go by so much quicker and more orderly my brain threatens to explode every time I think about it.

- Only use the emergency lane in these two situations: 1) You are having an emergency. 2) You can literally see the beginning of the off ramp you need.

- NEVER DOUBLE PARK IN RUSH HOUR. Rush hour lasts from 12pm to 8pm. Do not do it. If you hate searching for parking spots that much, take the metro. It'll take you anywhere you need to go.

- When in a roundabout, you never stop. The people who are entering the roundabout are the ones who stop.

- Go back and re-read your driving manual about Right of Way. More Jackass Traffic occurs when people don't understand the proper rules of Right of Way than I care to think about.

- When turning or on a curve, slow down for the first part and then speed back up when you are about 75% of the way through it. Do not, I repeat, do not come to a full stop with the back end of your car sticking out into the road, as if you're going to change your mind at this point. It's too late; just go.

- If you are lost, pull over. It will save yourself and everyone else a headache and a half.

- USE YOUR BLINKER. And if someone a full car's length ahead of you puts their blinker on to get in your lane, for the love of all things holy please don't speed up.

- Leave enough space between yourself and the car in front of you that, given the situation in which you have to slam on your brakes, you will not hit them.

It is ludicrous that every single day on the beltway there is at least one accident, making traffic twenty times worse than it would have been to begin with. That said, be ever vigilant of people weaving in and out of lanes, merging too close to you and tailgating. If you are in DC, dial 311. If you are in Maryland or Virginia, dial #77 and be ready to report a description of the driver, vehicle, and event. If the violator is a truck or a bus, call the Safety Violation Hotline at 1-888-DOT-SAFT.

And with that, good luck metro drivers, and God speed.

I Have No Words

I'm sitting here trying to write a blog post, because I have something to say. But I have no words. I can't... I'm just... There's so much anger gathering inside my rib cage right now. It's palpable - I can feel it resting there.

Because I woke up this morning to read this on CNN.com:

Alumna Sues College Because She Hasn't Found a Job

This is the most entitled piece of bullshit I've seen in a long time. Trina Thompson graduated from Monroe College three months ago, and after only three months of looking for a job in one of the worst markets this country has ever seen, she decided that she deserves to be reimbursed her full tuition because clearly her college isn't doing enough to get her a job.

Excuse me? Are you fucking serious?

The article isn't very long, but in case you don't feel like reading the whole thing, I'll give you my favorite excerpt:

"As Thompson sees it, any reasonable employer would pounce on an applicant with her academic credentials, which include a 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. But Monroe's career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment, she claims.

"They're supposed to say, 'I got this student, her attendance is good, her GPA is all right -- can you interview this person?' They're not doing that," she said."

What the hell is wrong with people in this country? When did we decide that we deserve everything we want in life on a silver platter, and you'll be sorry if you don't give it to us? What happened to the idea of the work ethic?

Last I checked, it is no one's responsibility but my own to get myself what I want and need. If my school or family or friends want to help me achieve those things, then I am one blessed woman, and I should thank my lucky stars, but I don't deserve to have anything handed to me without working for it first.

Or have I been doing it wrong?