Reading This Post Will Make You Sneeze

Human beings are weird.

Just to review a couple more bits of evidence to this regard I've personally come across recently:

Working for food makes it taste better.

If a menu has healthy food on it, we're more likely to pick something unhealthy.

Along similar lines, triggering our "I've done something good" switch makes us more likely to do something not-so-good, like in this study where simply looking at an eco-friendly website leads to stealing.

Oh, and daydreaming makes us sad.

Our brains and bodies seem to want to make us act against every moral and common-sensical principle we like to think we adhere to. I imagine that it will eventually be demonstrated that being loved makes us hate ourselves, experience makes us dumb, sharing makes us selfish, chocolate makes us cynical and sleeping makes us dead.

It seems strange to me that so much of what we do is preprogrammed, predictable, messed up and unconscious. We all of us like to think of ourselves as thoughtful individuals who do everything we do for a reason, based on a personal system of morals and preferences. But we're totally wrong. We're not drivers taking our body-vehicles down whatever road we choose. We're sitting on the roof with a fake steering wheel, coming up with explanations for why we go where we go, how we totally meant to turn left there or right here or go off that cliff there - when really, the car is being driven by a mischeivious chimpanzee, or maybe a malfunctioning robot, or no one at all.

I think in the future (you regular readers didn't think I'd stray from that topic for long, did you?) we might achieve a complete understanding of how humans tend to work, including knowledge of all our counterintuitive intuitions. We might even achieve a holistic picture of the principles that drive human behavior - which won't make us perfectly predictable, of course, because we still have free will and individual differences and so forth, but will make it more like we are at least sitting on that roof of that car with some bananas on a fishing pole to entice the chimp one way or the other.

At such future time - or, heck, right now - we might all benefit from taking a class, in high school or earlier, on How to Be A Human Being. It would consist mainly in participating in experiments that demonstrate our own weirdnesses and subconscious processes to us, so we can be better decision-makers in the future. Wouldn't have to be anything as extreme as the Milgram experiment (although we should read about it), but simply having many of our own cognitive biases demonstrated to us by, for instance, playing simple gambling games to demonstrate the negative effects of the sunk cost fallacy, etc., would make all of us better people and so much less vulnerable to exploitative advertising, con artistry, groupthink, political trickery, and Internet trolls.

It's a pipe dream, but even if it makes me sad pondering it, I'll do it anyways.

The Time I Dropped a Bagel

A hand that dropped a section of toasted bagel, moist at the ends where a mouth’s juices went to work, and the clouds of war that enveloped that small bite of sidewalk in the park as two gray squirrels bounded over to the morsel, each squaring up on strong squirrel haunches in recognition of a challenge; they unleashed their thumping chatter, baring claws and teeth and bristling fur.

The light and changing stance of the trees had been talking about winter for weeks. Each combatant knew starvation -- a predator worse than cat, hawk, dog, or soulless car simply because it was a child born of inevitability itself, and in the end turned everything to food, even children. Starvation lurked in that piece of bagel. To the human eye neither squirrel seemed that different. But one weighed slightly more, and unlike the other, he had not spent the morning screaming at a blue jay that came too close to his nest. A clash over this bagel could wound one or both of them. Winter would come; what use does nature have for a squirrel with only one ear? At least the hawks wouldn't starve.

They came at each other once. Backed off. Twice. Same result. The chatter rose and they each spun around the bagel as if they were tethered to it. The third time fur and bone met, one tore away into the grass and wound up a tree with the second in pursuit, leaving the bagel to be pecked at by spectator pigeons. The entire situation felt a little too Roman. I chased the pigeons away and picked up the bagel and tossed it toward the tree, hoping at least one of the squirrels would get it. I felt guilty; I guess, because I had known what I wanted to see when I dropped the bagel, and for once I got exactly what I wanted.

TG RoundTable's Thanksgiving Special

Ah, Thanksgiving. A time of sharing, a time of caring, a time of football, family, and stuffing your face until you overdose on tryptophan and pass out. This week These Gentlemen gather Round the Table to recieve extra helpings of Thanksgiving questions.

First course is, of course, what are you thankful for?

Second course, what is your favorite Thanksgiving dish?

And dessert (or third round of the first course, or lunch for the next three weeks...) what isn't but should be a Thanksgiving tradition?


David Pratt

The question of what I'm thankful for gave me far more trouble than I had anticipated. Everything I thought of at first seemed either shallow or cliched. Of course I'm thankful for friends and family, it would be crazy and ungrateful of me not to be. I'm thankful for the things that entertain me like the internet and video games, but it seems self-centered to me to list that as a thing I actually give thanks for. Does it cheapen my friends and family to group them in with the meaningless diversions I surround myself with? Would saying I'm thankful for the hard-hitting ultraviolence of God of War somehow raise to the level of my thankfulness for my sweet and thoughful girlfriend? Thanksgiving has always been a source of aggravation for me in that respect. Do I get judged based on the things I'm thankful for? It's really kind of frustrating. Not because I'm unhappy that I have so much to be thankful about, but because it makes me feel more than a little introspective to express it.

Now my favorite Thanksgiving dish, that's another story. My Dad's wife makes this chocolate pie every year that I happily drive back to New York for. It's so delicious. You don't understand. I can't rightfully put it into words, but if I could it would be something like aggglllomnomnomblllarrrghnomnom. She's started just making an extra pie so that everyone has enough after I eat half of the first one.

And finally, the one Thanksgiving tradition we don't have that I would institute would be returning a parcel of land to Native American ownership every year. Since I don't think the rest of the country would go for that, I would just make it so the entire Presidential cabinet plays a game of football on the White House lawn. Teams would be President and Vice President and they pick who they want one at a time, like junior high kickball. Winning team spends Thanksgiving handing out food at a soup kitchen - the losing team cooks for them.

I'd also encourage changing the dish from turkey to something beef-related. Turkeys do us no harm. Cows are actively trying to kill the human species. Which is not to say I won't still eat delicious turkey, I'd just rather be using the time to save mankind.


Daniel

Okay. Part one.

I'm thankful for so many things, but the one I feel like highlighting is my health. I got sick recently, it ended up being nothing to serious, but I had no insurance at the time and was starting to get scared I had the ole H1N1. So many thoughts went through my mind: how can I afford a doctor visit? What if it gets worse? How am I ever going to get covered after this? Turns out, my fever went down fast and was gone in just two days. But it scared the hell out of me.

Favorite Thanksgiving dish, that's an easier one. It'd have to be the marshmallow yams. Does everybody else have those too? Man, they are AMAZING.

One Thanksgiving tradition my family has (that everyone else's should) is after dinner, we all play three or four rounds of Balderdash. Everybody always complains that they don't want to play, but then it's always a good time. I think every family should adopt this tradition. Because I know what's right for you, America. Come get some.

Jason Heat

pie

Alex

So this roundtable is kind of a tough one for me. A couple of weeks ago, I would have been thankful for the prospect of being able to cook Thanksgiving food myself, having no family-induced stress, and getting to spend a large portion of the day watching football while naked (oversharing?).

Now, I have a much more cliched list of things I'm thankful for- I'm glad that my friends are so supportive and willing to listen to me talk way too much. I'm also quite glad that my parents decided not to go away for Thanksgiving, so I can drive to Ohio and at least have my typical relax-with-my-parents Thanksgiving, complete with whatever delicious food my mother decides to make. And since she feels bad for me at the moment, she's even throwing in pumpkin pie, something which she personally can't stand.

Ok, so part two. I do love turkey, but I think my favorite Thanksgiving dish is this apple-cranberry casserole that my mom makes every year. It's great because the crumb topping lets me pretend that it's basically oatmeal, which means I end up eating it for breakfast for the next week.

And part three. I honestly have no idea what non-Thanksgiving thing should be part of the tradition, but I know that I would prefer if travelling weren't so traditional. That's mostly because it tends to be a bad experience for me, like the year that I drove to Philly with my mom and brother, got an ear infection on the way there, had to stop at a hospital, and ended up sleeping in the van that night because traffic was so bad and there was nowhere to stay. Not fun. And yet, I had to argue with my parents to let me drive to Ohio alone instead of flying this year... I must be deranged.

Stephen

I am thankful for those who are close to me. I'm thankful for my lovely girlfriend, my family, my friends, and of course, my cute little dog, Arty.

My favorite Thanksgiving dish is stuffing. I really like stuffing. My face. With stuffing.

My idea for a new Thanksgiving tradition? Thanksgiving is fine. Just leave it alone people. Free ipods for everyone. There. Thanksgiving just got better. Unless you work for Apple. In which case you're probably all like "damn." But eventually a better ipod will get invented. It would probably be best to time the release of a better ipod to occur on the day after Thanksgiving. But it's going to suck for Apple in October and November, because nobody is going to buy an ipod, because Thanksgiving is right around the corner.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!


Max Nova

1. As always I thankful to be alive, and I am thankful for music.
2. It's a tie between stuffing and mash potatoes.
3. Everyone should celebrate Buy Nothing Day on the day after Thanksgiving.

Brett

1) What am I thankful for?

The usual stuff like family, friends, food... fun... foosball... freedom?... funk... ... ... French fries... ... foil? It's useful. -More Seriously, the Breadth of Possibilities of Time and Space, by which at any moment I could turn the corner and meet someone new or have some adventure. Or slip and fall, but hey.

2) What is your favorite Thanksgiving dish?

Mashed potatoes. I am far too lazy to make them during the year, nor do I favor the insta-variety. So it's one of the very very few times I get to eat 'em.

3) What isn't, but should be, part of the Thanksgiving tradition?

Pretending to be someone else at the table and saying what you believe they are (or should be) thankful for. Maybe even each person at the table getting this treatment from every other guest.


ali d

1. I know it sounds corny and trite, but I'm incredibly thankful for my friends and family. I moved down to Silver Spring over the summer, and am surrounded by so many wonderful and fun people who constantly challenge me and keep life interesting. I live with my best friend. I'm dating the best guy I've ever known. My parents are supporting my dreams. My baby sister lives down the street. I have a fantastic new brother-in-law. Life doesn't get much better. I'm also so thankful that I'm working enough to support myself. I feel very lucky to get as much work as I do in such a jobless economy.

2. I'm sure people are expecting me to talk about Thanksgiving desserts as my favorite dish, but I have to say, it's all about the brown foods for me at Thanksgiving. Turkey (dark meat - no contest). Stuffing. Rolls. And what makes sweet potatoes so delicious? That's right, it's the brown sugar. Mmm. I might go into a tryptophan coma just thinking about my monochromatic TGiving plate.

3. Remember all those years ago when the Native Americans shared their crops with us, and thus we didn't all starve and die out and that's why we have Thanksgiving in the first place? I think that in between the parade, football games, and Christmas specials, we should be reminded that this holiday all began with a simple act of sharing.



B.Graham

Ah one: I am thankful for a regular paycheck, and to have healthcare. I'm really, really thankful to have healthcare. I am thankful for the people around me, ie my family, my friends, my coworkers, and my cats. I am thankful that the aforementioned people (with possible exception of the cats) are so very patient with me and love me unconditionally for who/what I am. I am thankful to be living in 2009 and not any time before now, and I am so incredibly thankful for the internet. Especially at work.

Ah twohooo: Green bean casserole. Hands down. I could eat green bean casserole every single day of November and the beginning of December. I am this specific because, like pumpkin pie, green bean casserole is meant only for Thanksgiving and can only be consumed on or around its designated holiday. I think the wait makes it all that much tastier and wonderful come this time of year.

Man I am so pumped for green bean casserole.

Ah three. Ah three: In the nature of that single day in which puritans and Native Americans (NOT Native Indians) got along and broke bread together, I think we should have something along the lines of a nation-wide "peace be with you"-type moment, in which we would all just make an extra effort to smile and say hello and help our neighbors. "Oh, I see you are struggling with all those packages as you try to open the door, can I get that for you?" "Hello, I noticed that we've been neighbors for two years and we've never formally met. Here's a cake I baked." "I see that you have a two babies and a stroller/are pregnant/are old. Take my seat, please." Ideally, it would help alleviate some of the tension/stress of the upcoming holiday season, and maybe eventually bleed into the rest of the year.


And with that, I hope you’re sated, because that’s all we’ve baked. After-dinner mint, anyone?

The Subliminal Apology of Starbucks.

I was surprised to find, a couple days ago, a story about a new experimental coffee outlet that opened in Seattle last week. As it turns out, Starbucks opened a coffee shop that didn't have the standard Starbucks iconography stamped all over walls, signage and aprons. This particular location isn't even called "Starbucks".

15th Ave. Coffee and Tea is the Starbucks translation of an independent coffee house, and the company hopes to create a community-focused feel for it's new one-off. Now serving beer and wine, this attempt at shedding the cookie cutter feel of the current Starbucks brand will incorporate later hours to attract the poetry crowd for an occasional slam or open mic. What it won't incorporate are the Starbucks name or logo, or even some products, such as the frappuccino.

The opening of this new store bears a subtle confession; Starbucks has realized that the connection with their clients, and the prestige of their product, have been damaged by multiple stages of replication. Situations where a Starbucks is located in close proximity to another Starbucks are commonplace, and for a while that was a profitable strategy. But the more common something becomes, the less it's a treat.

I think the big problem for Starbucks has been its focus on getting people in the door, as opposed to making Starbucks a place where you want to stay. The seating is very cramped, and adding cream and sugar to my coffee is almost always a juggling match with several other people. I understand the philosophy behind cramping the real estate, and hoping to inspire interaction between people, but reading, studying, and having a private conversation don't come as easy in a Starbucks anymore.

Reviews for the new store on yelp.com are generally positive. 15th Ave. seems to have a rustic and individualized feel, with great products and service. But any success at the experimental shop stands as more evidence that Starbucks has lost its way. Hopefully, for the company, the two types of locations can work in tandem to serve two types of customers, the ones who come for the coffee, and the ones who come for the shop.

It Comes With A Price

Oh, McDonald's. We were such good friends. At the very least we were good business partners. I, the loyal client, willing to shell out a buck or two for the consistent quality products that you, my trustworthy supplier, would provide. Our ties grew stronger with time.

When you changed your sandwich containers from wrappers to little boxes, it rendered me scared and confused. But I soon realized that the empty half of the opened box doubled as a holder for your delicious french fries, and thus your genius was understood. I was able to take a small change here or there.

And then the whole world flipped upside down, McDonald's. And you ruined everything.

I came to this revelation about a week ago, when I visited one of your franchise establishments somewhere in Northern Montgomery County. While approaching my place of purchase, I noticed advertisements for McCafe, a new line of Lattes and Mochas offered at a reasonable price. I decided to give your McCafe a shot, knowing you hadn't steered me wrong in the past. I went to the drive-thru window and ordered a delicious Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles sandwich, along with a Caramel Latte.

As usual, the McGriddles sandwich was delicious. The sausage was flavorful, juicy, and had a friendly texture, the egg and cheese was twisting in savory swirls on my tongue, with a hint of syrupy goodness. I couldn't wait to wash down my first bite with my new tasty beverage.

I first knew that something was amiss when I could smell the caramel. The drink was horrible. I've never before consumed anything at a McDonald's that I didn't like, but I had to admit it was awful. It tasted as if the milk, or milk substitute, had turned, along with ever other ingredient in my Latte.

I didn't even swallow my first mouthful, refusing to let this liquid filth become part of my body.

McCafe left me with an "ewww" look on my face, and a trail of Latte on the side of my car. Of course it could be that this drink slipped through quality control, and maybe these drinks are normally tasty, but I'm afraid that I won't ever find that out, because I will never drink from McCafe again.

I am disappointed with you, McDonald's. I will now hesitate to accept any new product you offer after having to question your waning brilliance. You've broken a sacred trust that may never be repaired.

Unfortunately I must echo the warnings issued by Starbucks; beware of a cheaper cup of coffee, it comes with a price.

I Know It's Wrong, but I Want One So Bad

Credit to www.geekologie.com;



God Bless America.