In Defense of the Childbearing

There's been a lot of talk on the blog this week about kids. Some points were valid. Some were made in satirical jest. Others were definitely arguable. I write this response not to contest the thoughts of any fellow Gentlemen or of our readers, but to simply provide an alternative point of view from someone who weighed the merits of marriage and children at age 18.

But first, a story about my friend Katie:

Katie is the second-oldest in her family. She has an older brother, and 10 younger brothers and sisters. When she was only the second of 10 children, her family lived in a trailer, because that's what they could afford. After high school Katie went to the Ecumenical Institute in North Carolina, where she met Andrew. Andrew and Katie entered into a courtship, and when we were both 20, I sang at Katie's wedding.

I know a number of Katies, because I had an experience in high school that I've discovered was somewhat unusual. I've mentioned in previous posts that when I was younger I worked as a swim instructor at Beachmont Christian Camp. Not only did I work there for three summers, though, but for the four summers prior, I volunteered as a Junior Counselor. I was a camper for nine years before that. By the time I was 15, Beachmont was my summer, and the friends I had made there were the people I hung out with all year long.

The majority of my friends from Beachmont were fundamentalist Christians with Calvinistic leanings. And most of them were from big families who were home-schooled. That was the norm. It was its own peculiar, insular society, and I was a part of it. 

As a result, I have a lot of friends who are married. Because it was also the norm for those kids to start looking to settle down in their late teens. (I have my suspicions about the role of strict abstinence until marriage in this decision-making process, but it doesn't really pertain to my point.) It's not unusual for two 18-year-olds to find love and decide to get married. Beyond that, these unions are both expected and supported by the community, so they tend to thrive in a way that teenaged couples might not otherwise. Sometimes, two people just know that they're meant for each other (and in the Beachmont case, feel that their joining has been ordained/blessed/decided by God), and choose not to wait.

And they have babies. Not all of them, and not always right away, but I have friends (and a cousin) who were parents at 19 or 20. And they're great parents who have wonderful, sweet children. They have their lives put together and support happy little families. Granted, it's not the typical situation involving young parents, but I've seen so many examples of how well it can work that I can't for one second judge all instances of teen pregnancy outright.

And now, another story, this time about Bev:

Bev married Dave when she was 18. She gave birth to Julia when she was 19. By the time she was 30, Bev had 8 children (all singles, no twins or trips) and a 12-passenger van. It was rumored that her brother, Russ, once asked their mother how many kids Bev and Dave wanted to have, and her response was that they would take as many kids as God sent them, but that, "14 sounded like a good number."

Many of my friends do not agree with the use of birth control. They often rely on family planning, but otherwise they truly believe that God will bless them with as many children as they are supposed to have and can handle. They're not creating as many children as they can so that their lives and views will live on and spread - they're just going with the flow. And it works for them. They're not reality show poster children, they're families. They're families that may be different from yours, but they're just families. They're not a drain on the economy or the environment and they're not angling for attention or handouts. They were just raised in a culture that has different values regarding family size.

I know that this might seem like a generalization made based on a small slice of American society, but my point is primarily that as I read about alternative decisions regarding families, I can think of a dozen real-life examples of families that have made it work, and not because they were stupid and got stuck in a bad situation, but because they chose that life for themselves. Had a certain set of events turned out differently, I might have joined them. (The mindset that led me to that decision feels like a lifetime ago, and I am extremely grateful that I chose a different route.) While mindless fundamentalism (or whatever might adjust a person's family values) is detrimental to both the individual and society (and I also have dozens of examples of that), I have no problem with seemingly unusual cultural standards.

They may not be for me or for you, but I can't deny how happy I've seen them make my friends.

It Comes With A Price

Oh, McDonald's. We were such good friends. At the very least we were good business partners. I, the loyal client, willing to shell out a buck or two for the consistent quality products that you, my trustworthy supplier, would provide. Our ties grew stronger with time.

When you changed your sandwich containers from wrappers to little boxes, it rendered me scared and confused. But I soon realized that the empty half of the opened box doubled as a holder for your delicious french fries, and thus your genius was understood. I was able to take a small change here or there.

And then the whole world flipped upside down, McDonald's. And you ruined everything.

I came to this revelation about a week ago, when I visited one of your franchise establishments somewhere in Northern Montgomery County. While approaching my place of purchase, I noticed advertisements for McCafe, a new line of Lattes and Mochas offered at a reasonable price. I decided to give your McCafe a shot, knowing you hadn't steered me wrong in the past. I went to the drive-thru window and ordered a delicious Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles sandwich, along with a Caramel Latte.

As usual, the McGriddles sandwich was delicious. The sausage was flavorful, juicy, and had a friendly texture, the egg and cheese was twisting in savory swirls on my tongue, with a hint of syrupy goodness. I couldn't wait to wash down my first bite with my new tasty beverage.

I first knew that something was amiss when I could smell the caramel. The drink was horrible. I've never before consumed anything at a McDonald's that I didn't like, but I had to admit it was awful. It tasted as if the milk, or milk substitute, had turned, along with ever other ingredient in my Latte.

I didn't even swallow my first mouthful, refusing to let this liquid filth become part of my body.

McCafe left me with an "ewww" look on my face, and a trail of Latte on the side of my car. Of course it could be that this drink slipped through quality control, and maybe these drinks are normally tasty, but I'm afraid that I won't ever find that out, because I will never drink from McCafe again.

I am disappointed with you, McDonald's. I will now hesitate to accept any new product you offer after having to question your waning brilliance. You've broken a sacred trust that may never be repaired.

Unfortunately I must echo the warnings issued by Starbucks; beware of a cheaper cup of coffee, it comes with a price.

Kids Finale

In the interest of covering a some additional bases and covering my ass (and avoid being punched by Nevie in the face the next time our paths cross) I will address a few things, then I will slink quietly away to silence at SilverDocs for the rest of the week except for one controversy-free hidden post I have on deck.

* Yes, JStone, there are really people who think vaccines cause autism and they are batshit crazy. I am employing no exaggeration when I say that.

* I have nothing against technical colleges, community colleges, culinary schools or Microsoft accreditation courses for that matter. But I would say that anyone who, when their child is born, does not hope and believe that that kid will get to college is selling their kid short. So Brittany I do agree for the most part. Also, if you can field two baseball teams, you probably have too many kids.

* Now for the abortion/adoption. I realize I probably shouldn't have mixed something pretty serious (college savings, vaccines) with something where I was trying to be a bit Swift-ian. It's dangerous to be Swift-ian. The safest bet really would have been to eat the kids, rather than put them up for adoption. A few last thoughts . . .

* I do not ever ever encourage eugenics. I certainly root for and against certain teams. For example I'd like David Bowie and Iman to crank out dozens of immaculate super-children. And I'd like Nascar fan's genital to fall off. But if two consenting adults want to have a kid, so be it.

* I probably should have more reasonably said people under 18 shouldn't have kids. But y'know given the maturity shown by 19 and 20 year olds I often interacted with in college, I bumped it up a bit for good measure.

* Nevie, I think any man of any ages who impregnates a teenage girl should probably have their balls chopped off. Probably.

* There are exceptions to every rule. Shit, Bill Clinton became President and his home life wasn't a bowl of cherries. But the odds are stacked against teen parents and their offspring in quite in a variety of ways. It's fucking tough to end up like Rory Gilmore.

* I absolutely believe that the Robbie Williams - Kylie Minogue duet Kids is better than the Matthew Good discography. (I kid cuz I love Jason.)

Top Five Matthew Good/Matthew Good Band Songs

This is actually a pretty hard list for me. Since the first time I saw the "Load Me Up" music video on Canada's Much Music channel (we got it in DC for a while), I've been totally hooked on Matt's music, lyrics, and incredible eloquence. But hey, nothing easy is worth doing, right? So here goes. (And no, Apparitions is not on the list).

5. A Single Explosion
(Hospital Music, 2007)
When fellow Gentelman Jason Schlafstein had the pleasure of seeing Matthew Good premier new material in person on Dale Earnhart Jr's XM radio show, he later described the songs to me over the phone as "a return to form." He could not have been more right. After the staggeringly mediocre White Light Rock and Roll Review, I was starting to think the dream might be over. Shame on me. Hospital Music is maybe Good's most vulnerable, honest, and at the same time, brutal work, chronicling both his bi-polar disorder diagnosis, and separation from his wife. A Single Explosion, the second track on the record, was the first song that really blew me away on first listen. When the wall of sound hits about midway through the song, it is both powerful and overwhelming, a one-two punch to the ears that grips you with a solid intensity and doesn't let go until the song's close.

Favorite lyric-I’m affable, responsible, but hard to be around.

4. House of Smoke and Mirrors
(Avalanche, 2003)
While he has referred to Avalanche as "the toilet" in the past, I personally found the record to be an incredible step forward for the recently solo Matthew Good. It sounds completely different from anything the Matthew Good Band ever put out, heavily produced with frequent string arrangements, spacey synth sounds, and a growing presence of political awareness. Closing and opening records has always been a strength of Good's, and House of Smoke and Mirrors might be the best closer in his arsenal. It is sad, yet beautiful, and I will forever tie it to the spring of my senior year of high school, as I do with this entire record.

Favorite lyric-Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke, right?

3. Invasion 1
(Underdogs, 1997)
I was once listing some of my favorite Matthew Good Band songs on my LiveJournal (back in the day) and remember being blasted by John Oats for leaving Invasion 1 off the list. Well, now it's here. Invasion 1 is a lyrical powerhouse, with an almost psychedelic feel at points. It's unapologetic, and easily one of the best.

Favorite lyric-Down a hole with the Grinch's antler dog and Yukon Cornelius, when I'm sober I need this.

2. Man of Action
(The Audio of Being, 2001)
If Invasion 1 is a lyrical powerhouse, than Man of Action is just a straight up powerhouse. This song never quits, and while it may not be his best song of all time, it's certainly Good's best opener. The Matthew Good Band started to take their sound in new places with The Audio of Being, the result of which eventually lead to the heavily produced sound of Avalanche. Man of Action is almost a thesis for the entire record, maybe even Good's career, and the way the song explodes on the last note is truly a thing of beauty.

Favorite Lyric-Between the night and day, with so few eyes left open, your forgiveness ain’t a neighborhood that i’m looking to live in.

1. Giant
(Beautiful Midnight, 1999)
So it's not the best opener, but that doesn't stop Giant from being my number one all time Matthew Good song. To me, this song encompasses everything that Good does right, heartbreaking lyrics, driving rock melody, and a certain subtle honesty that draws you further and further into the world of the song. From the second it starts, with a chorus of cursing cheerleaders (K-I-C-K-A-S-S! That's the way we spell success!), Giant continues to deliver, one of the reasons I'm so glad he's playing it live again (it appears on his last record, a live release from Canada's Massey Hall). Giant is just that.

Favorite lyric-I’m the creature in your sick thing, everybody sees a giant.

Dodecahemoms in the 21st Century

Recent television, TLC in particular, seems to be in l-u-v looove with people who have more than the recommended number of children. 18 Kids and Counting, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Table for 12, even the infamously whacked Octomom supposedly has a new show coming out.

And here's the thing. The world human population reached 6 billion in 1999. That's ten years ago, before most of these glorified litters were born. We're living in a world in which the environment weeps openly at the walloping footprint we leave, and TLC, you know, THE LEARNING CHANNEL, can't think to program anything more helpful than "have more kids because then you get a reality show." And to me, purposely bringing 10 times the number of people in the world as are going to leave it just seems incredibly narcissistic, and flat out mean. Because your 10 or 20 progeny are going to have to live in a world that is more crowded and more strapped for natural resources than your generation could ever have imagined. And it's your fault. Yours, and others like you.

And I'm not talking about all people who have multiples, or people who have a few surprises along the way, those are both pretty hard to plan. I'm talking specifically about people who purposely set out to procreate as much as humanly possible, the reality shows that follow, and the people who encourage them.

There are just so many children already in the world who could use a loving family that it seems ludicrous to be so fascinated with people who are bringing more and more and more people onto the packed earth. Do they have a special DNA strain that needs repeating? Will human society be irrevocably damaged if they DON'T unleash their seed onto the world? I know of some people(/cults) who do actually believe that, and it derives from the same concept of "if we don't get more people just like us in the world we will die out and our lives will be for naught." Because I get that about biological children; they ensure that a physical piece of you will live on after you die. It's a comforting thought. But twenty just seems a little bit of overkill.

All I'm saying is, if you have so much love in your heart for children and that's what you want to do with your life, then that's great. We need more people like you. But maybe adopt at some point, or foster a kid. Do something to help heal this broken world, instead of simply filling it with new people because the last ones didn't work out. Leave more than just your DNA.

And TLC, stop. Just stop. Take a good, long look at your life, and your programming schedule, and STOP IT.

Author's Note: This post was written a week before Max Nova's most recent post on kids, and really has nothing to do with it, but it is interesting that progeny was separately on our minds. Maybe it's The Age.

Kids

A few weeks ago I heard a story on NPR about how teenage mothers in North Carolina (I think it was NC) were being paid $1 a day for every day they were not pregnant again. And it was working! Just a dollar a day was keeping most of these teenagers from having another kid. Which got me thinking about a few child related issues. I suggest all these things only partially in jest, and I can't say how exactly they would be implemented, although if we've put men on the moon, this should be cake.

* Ban mothers from having kids under the age of 21. The government can and does regulate all manner of things for minors, and this should be no exception. Quite simply if someone under 21 gets pregnant they would have two options - abortion or adoption. I imagine some on the right would complain but this simply reinforces our previous president's Abstinence Only policy. I admit that they are right to say that the only way to 100% having a baby is not having sex. But even if teens do have ignorant condom/pill-free sex, they still don't get to keep the kid. Nor do their parents. The kid goes away one way or another.

In the year 2009 with the average life expectancy well over 70 years, there is no earthly reason that people should be cranking out babies before they can drink. I don't care what you're religion/cult says. If you can't keep your dick in your pants to 21, tough.

* Enforce college savings. There would be exceptions of course. If you're under the poverty line, you get a pass while you are trying to feed your family. Plus it doesn't have to start the day the kid is born, it could start at age 3. But it's mind blowing how many families, rich and poor alike aren't saving enough for college. People don't need to be saving enough for Harvard, but certainly enough for a community college.

And what if the kid doesn't get into college? Then they get a nice lump sum when they graduate high school or complete their GED. But if they don't do one of those, the money is given to more deserving kids. Obama put it quite well in his sort-of State of the Union address that anyone not getting a high school education is letting their country down.

* No avoiding inoculations. Apparently Jenny McCarthy, who of course earned her medical degree between stints on MTV's Singled Out, has become the lead voice of crazy people who think vaccines cause autism. (A) Studies have shown that there is not a link between vaccines and autism and (B) It's dangerous for their kids and other kids they play with. This isn't a change as much as a wish that we don't start sliding backwards.

Following Win, Riots Erupt in Iran

TEHRAN, Iran – With the final announcement made, hundreds of thousands took to the Tehran streets to riot in celebration Sunday night following the Los Angeles Lakers NBA title win.

Dozens of fans from the rowdy crowd were arrested after police declared the gathering an unlawful assembly, the police chief Saeed Leilaz said.

Several police cruisers were damaged as rocks were thrown and bonfires were set in the street. Press TV reporter Amir Mehdi Kazemi said he heard gunshots at the rally and at least one person, a boy, appeared to be injured by the gunfire. Reinforcement officers were called in from throughout the city to help disperse the crowd, Leilaz said.

Looting was prevalent in Tehran.
Here, teenage boys break into a Foot Locker store to get the new Kobe shoe.

Downtown celebrations lasted well into the morning hours in downtown Tehran, a city known for rabid Laker fans. This phenomenon first developed when Lakers star Kobe Bryant - best known for his community service work off the court - came to Iran to introduce basketball to the children there. Tehran residents held Laker-watching parties throughout the playoffs, even giving a significant boost to the satellite television industry.

The brazen and sometimes even angry confrontations in Tehran — including stunning scenes of masked rioters tangling with black-clad police — were described by Leilaz as spineless. "It's not easy to stand there when cowards in the middle of the crowd are throwing rocks and bottles at them," Leilaz said. He commended his officers for showing restraint despite "a lot of provocation from a number of knuckleheads," he told a crowd of reporters through an interpreter. "They're just mimicking the kind of bad example set by fans from the States," Leilaz said.

In 2000, after the Lakers won their first NBA title in 12 years, fans rioted outside the Staples Center, burning police cars and leaving more than 70 vehicles damaged, many at nearby auto dealerships. At least a dozen were injured.

Lakers fans riot in LA following 2000 title win

For Los Angeles, it was the city's first NBA championship in seven years, and the franchise's 15^th overall. For the Lakers players though, it was a redemption win after falling to the Boston Celtics in last years finals. It was also the 4th NBA championship for Series MVP Kobe Bryant, and 10th coaching title for Phil Jackson. Two teams battled through the 2009 Finals, providing three close games in five chances, but even with that attempt at parity, it's clear that the Los Angeles Lakers were just a giant step above the Orlando Magic.