How To Really Revive the Economy

I'd like to think that my secret degree in Finance is good for something and thus I present the four point plan (or four horsemen) of economic revival:


1. Concert Posters
If there is one thing people who have heard of the Decemberists love it's screen-printed limited edition posts of concerts they might of might not have attended. These posters must also have cute animals and/or imagery that has absolutely nothing to do with the actual band.











2. Obama Swag
As The Gentlemen who went to the Inauguration know, there are really an infinite number of ways to merchandise our Commander in Chief, and every can (and should!) always buy more t-shirts. I admit, I did not see any Obama condoms when I was walking around on January 20th, but this was because I took a shortcut down the street where they were selling Obama ties and panties.








3. eBay
Remember eBay? It co-invented the internet with Al Gore. Alas for a long time it was run by Meg Whitman, who was kind of like the Dan Synder of the internet. She was such a bad CEO it's amazing that she's get the job of Yahoo CEO when she left (yes, Yahoo are fish in a barrel). But it's time for an eBay revival. All that worthless shit you bought years ago? It's time to sell it, and buy new shit. Better shit!



4. iPhone Apps
The gaming market has now irreconcilably split into two camps. The casual gamers, and those who play video games that are longer and more intense than the Napoleonic Wars (coming soon, Grand Theft Auto 5: Steal Every Car On the Planet Edition). Only a fool would ignore which one is the true growth market.