We Are the Roundtable

Welcome to your life
Theres no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you
Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world
~Tears For Fears


Shalom my friends, and welcome to another edition of the Roundtable. Last time, the Gentlemen struggled to answer the admittedly heavy question of what they might change given the chance to review their own lives. As promised, I followed up with some lighter fare for them.

After an inquiry which required such close introspection and personal reflection, geared to a specific answer, I decided the best counter would be a question where the answer could be literally anything. Carte blanche has been given to the Gentlemen to provide a response to the query; You have been elected ruler of the world. What is your first act?

So, presented here for your amusement and ours, a brief glimpse at what the world would be like if it were run by a Gentleman.


John Ozkirbas

My first official act as ruler of the world would be to abolish Day Light Savings Time. Benjamin Franklin has for too long sapped the American people of hours and hours of their lives and he must be stopped. For the good of the people. For the good of the land.

My second act will be to give Colonial Williamsburg back to England. Those imperialist lobster-backs fought hard to colonize the Americas and, by God, they deserve it. This act will be for the Queen. And, the children. And someone HAS to think of the children.

My third will be to pay back England for all that tea we wasted back in 1773. Apparently, that tea was worth ₤10,000. I wonder if they'll notice if we don't adjust for inflation. I really have no motivation for this - I just think it will be amusing.

Apparently, I've decided to deal with frivolous issues located only in America. I wonder if that says anything...

Max Nova

I would do two things, first establish a baseline of food, shelter and health care for everyone, then I'd have half the world population randomly sterlized, so the people don't go crazy poppin' out babies in our new world of plenty.



Alison Daniels

My first act as Ruler of the World would be to mandate afternoon siestas for the entire globe. I really think the Hispanic community is onto something with that.





Matt Lindeboom

My first act as elected ruler of the world would be to apologize to my constituents for the future acts of heinous incompetence I would display as their ruler. Seriously, why did you all elect me?





David Pratt

I would carve a swath out of Eastern Europe to be renamed Latveria. Then I would live there.





Stephen Bregale


I would tweet my victory, ya know, in case someone wanted to meet up.





Damien Nichols

Puppies for everyone! (World peace here we come!)






Adam Winer

As world leader, I'm going to want to work on improving the world, and solving world problems. I've been elected a public official to work for the people of the world, so I'm going to want to work on improving the lives of the people who I work for. My first act as elected ruler of the world would be to cut green-house gasses by a significant amount. I believe this to be an extremely important step to improving the life of every single person across the globe, assuming it would ease natural disasters and famines.

There are obviously a number of other things that need help - like ending war or ending world hunger - but I think once piece of legislation limiting green house gasses would help the most people at the same time... and seems like something that could reasonably happen - as opposed to say, banning war or something that's probably impossible.


Daniel Strauss


you guys!

what's our twitter password?





And there you have it. Plans large and small burst from the enlightened craniums of our various Gentlemen. Indeed, the world would be much improved were all our leaders possessed of ideas so grand and glorious in scope.

Stay tuned next week as our Roundtable returns to the more harrowing and thought-provoking format we are used to. The Gentlemen have been given more than enough time to recharge their batteries. Now it's back to business as usual. In the meantime, how do you feel about the prospect of becoming the undisputed authority of planet Earth? What would you seek to accomplish, what personal goals would you fulfill, given limitless power and privilege to do so? Let us know your thoughts, for, as always, the Roundtable is all about discussion.

Until next time.