Out to the Ballgame

As I mentioned last time, I've wanted to talk about sports for awhile. As baseball season winds down, football season picks up, and hockey season is cancelled, it seemed like a good time to broach the topic. Now, this is normally the territory of fellow Gentleman Max Nova, but as I seem to carrying the banner solo for the time being, I'll step in where he would normally fill the gap.

Besides, he only talks about soccer, and that's lame.

Don't be bringing that noise in here, Max.

This summer I was given a challenge. Follow a sports team. I should clarify; I have "teams," I guess, and like pretty much anybody else they're the teams my family told me to like. My ancestry dates back to New York since the hipsters of the day were telling everybody how New Amsterdam was just so over, so the Giants, the Yankees, and the Rangers have been pretty much all I've ever been required to pay attention to for the sake of familial obligation. Actually, nix the Rangers from the list. No one in my family cares about hockey.

No, for the sake of this challenge, I was given two very specific rules. First, I had to follow a team. Watch their games, learn their players, and keep up with their standings heading into the playoffs. I thought that would be pretty easy; I'd just keep up with the Yankees. Then came the second rule. No Yankees. The Yankees, I was informed, don't count. It's not really being a sports fan if you follow the Bronx Bombers, for reasons I'll get to later (since I didn't understand at first myself).

So at first I thought, "okay, I'm living on Long Island, the heart of Mets territory, I'll root for the Mets." Then I quickly had the follow-up thought "why would I ever, ever do that to myself?" A better candidate immediately came to mind - the boys from my adopted state of Maryland, the Baltimore Orioles. Also, since the Yankees used to be the Orioles, I thought this was a clever work-around of the second stipulation.

Those pinstripes aren't an accident.

Now, the Os have had a fantastic season. At the time of this writing they're still in the playoff race, had just as good a year as the Yankees did, and gave me some really good moments and good stories.

They also made me realize why I will never, ever be a real sports fan.

Old Acquaintance

Lest you believe we thought the holidays were over after Christmas.

The New Year is a holiday with an interesting metaphor behind it.  As we celebrate the birth of a new year we simultaneously mourn the passing of another.  When midnight strikes on December 31st, everything 2010 could have been will fade into the realm of never was, but everything 2011 might be will become possible.  This funeral and birth bring the hopes and dreams of everything we now have 365 days to accomplish to the forefront of our minds.  We make resolutions on the grave of the old year, swearing we will do better this time around.  The year is a living thing to us, representing not a measure of time but an avatar of hope, one which we are, sometimes desperately, counting on to come through for us.

For the purposes of this commentary, I will stay away from assessing the usual suspects of resolutions; changes in body and mind, success in love and business, taking chances you promised to take the year before.  I would like to believe that this year everyone will put forth the effort to get what it is they want from life. So, I will refrain from discussing the more serious nature of self-improvement and taking action in the new year and instead focus on the day itself, and the proper, gentlemanly behavior one should exhibit upon ringing it in.

Please note: College students should feel free to disregard the following.

Getting Friends Together

So, it is New Years Eve and you want to celebrate.  Capital!  But you can't celebrate the New Year alone, that's a sad testament to how the old one treated you.  And probably a few before it.  To that end, you need friends to celebrate with!  Wait, there's a decision to make here.  Do you throw your own party or seek out one being propagated by others?  Keep in mind that if you decide to host your own event, there will be many other soirees competing for attendance.  Here is a quick right and wrong example of how to invite people over to yours in light of this fact.

The Right Way:

Hello friends!  I certainly understand that you likely have many parties to attend this New Years Eve, but I do hope you'll make time for mine!  Spirits and snacks will be served, and all are welcome to partake.  See you then!

The Wrong Way:

Come to the best fucking party this year is going to see!!!  The other parties like the one Roger is throwing are lame bullshit and will suck, I know because Roger is a douchebag who fucking steals girls YOU KNWE FOR THREE YEARS I WANTED TO ASK HER OUT ROGER.  I DONT EVEN WANT THAT SLUT NOW AND I DON't WANT TO SEE THE FUCKING VIDEO QUIT ASKING.   So fuck Roger, come to my place and get hammered.  Bring your own booze.  Peace!


So as you can see, spelling and punctuation are an important part of getting people to think about stopping in to celebrate with you.  When people see you've taken the time to attend to details, they will be more apt to choose your party as the place they want to be.  Which brings us to . . .


The Celebration

Now that we have our friends together, either at your place or at a friend's house, we have hours to kill in the time before we watch the ball come down in New York City, marking another successful voyage by the Earth around its closest star.  As a party host, the Gentleman puts out a spread his guests can be happy with.  Snacks should be varied and plentiful, and include the standard dips and garnishes a party guest expects.  There is no need to break out the fine china or order caviar; provide within your means and chances are everything will go smoothly.  What will matter the most is your conduct.

Like I said earlier, New Years is a special balance of time, an observance of both birth and death.  Both usually involve the imbibing of alcohol, and this is no exception.  So whether at your own place or celebrating with someone else, there are certain lines which should not be crossed.

Moderation is key.  Participate in a toast at midnight, and perhaps nurse a drink during some casual conversation regarding the weather or local sporting teams, particularly the inferiority of rival clubs.  By the end of the evening you should be pleasantly warmed, but neither tipsy nor drunk.  Maintain your dignity.  Remember, you are both observing a birth and attending a funeral.  Make a positive impression.  Here are some key guidelines to observe;

1) Most people will be there with their significant other.  As such, advances are most likely unwelcome, no matter how sure you are that they were totally checking you out.

2) In the event you are certain a fellow party-goer IS romantically unattached, do not assume that your level of attraction to the opposite sex correlates with how much alcohol you consume.  By the same token, please try to bear in mind what that person looked like before you started drinking in the first place.

3)  If liquor is provided, it belongs to everybody and should be distributed evenly.  Look around the party.  If you are three times as drunk as everybody else, you have wronged two people there.  If you are three times as drunk as everybody else combined, you may want to consider arranging transport to a hospital.  Before doing so, do ensure that you have all the clothes you came in with, and that you're still at the right party.

4) Generally speaking, no amount of nudity is considered acceptable.

5) Never, ever throw up on anything that has a soul.


Midnight

The time comes for the ethereal transition from one year to the next.  No one can really describe it, but there is a definitive feeling, perhaps a subconscious realization of the fresh start we face, as soon as the clock hits midnight.  People toast, loved ones share a kiss, and we begin anew.  This is a critical time, as there are customs to observe and any gentleman will be mindful of them.

If you are in attendance by yourself, it is traditional to take part in the New Years toast, which will be given by the host.  If you are not the host, do not assume it is your right to include your own toast or talk over the host as they are delivering it.  Even if the content is lackluster and you just know everyone is secretly groaning inside and hoping someone speaks up to liven this thing up with a toast about excessive consumption and sexual promiscuity, I ask you to refrain.  On that subject, if by some chance you are asked to provide the toast, keep the company in attendance in mind when considering how many references to specific examples you intend to cite.

On the subject of the customary kiss.  This is to be performed exactly at midnight with your significant other.  Like with most things, there are careful rules to abide by when the clock tolls 12.  First, and most importantly, make sure the person you're with actually is your loved one.  Details like this are crucial towards making a positive impression on other party guests, and in most cases your actual partner will not look kindly on such an error on your part.  Second, a New Years kiss is given a wider berth than most public displays of affection insofar as being extended or passionate without being inappropriate.  This only extends so far, however.  Please refer to rule #4 under the section on celebrating.


The New Year

So the people are assembled, the midnight hour has come and gone, and you are now at a party whose reason for being ceased to be.  If guests are enjoying themselves, chances are they will linger for awhile longer.  This creates several possible scenarios depending on if you are host or guest.  If it is the latter, it is your responsibility to judge what is a reasonable time to bid your polite farewell.  When you decide the time is right, give your respects to your friends, provide a final Happy New Year, and leave under your own power.  A successful egress lacks both slurring, staggering, and, if at all possible, racial epithets.

Stay no longer than you feel welcome.  In the event you have passed out, it is courteous to have made arrangements in advance to have someone collect you in case of such an instance.  If this was induced by liquor rather than exhaustion at the late hour, please keep Rule #5 of celebrating in mind, and be mindful that this extends to family heirlooms which may be haunted. 

Now as the host, it is your duty to make sure that people enjoy themselves while still being mindful of your responsibilities in cleaning your home and going to sleep at a reasonable hour.  Should you find guests not receiving your subtle clues about the hour growing late, it is within your purview to simply let people know it is time to go.  Should you hope to host such an event again, please do not include swearing, threats, or, if at all possible, racial epithets.

Once the party has ended, revel in the knowledge that everyone has had a good time, and you have both ended one year and begun another on the right foot.  Surrounded by friends, filled with good cheer, and happy.  Above all else, be happy, because no matter what happened in the previous the year, you are now off to a fresh start, and anything can happen.

Enjoy your revelry, and remember auld lang syne.

Happy New Year.

Happy Holidays

Yesterday, as I am wont to do, I ventured to my local comic shop and then crossed the street with my super-heroic bounty to read them at Starbucks.  Upon ordering my usual hot chocolate, the barista offered me a jolly "Merry Christmas" to go along with my beverage.  For half a second, I entertained indulging myself in an "I'm Jewish" simply for the sake of his reaction more than any offense.  I stopped myself because it only took that half-second to realize the man across the counter had given me more than perfunctory holiday greeting, he actually infused some spirit into it.  He was giving me his well-wishes, and with a smile, I thanked him and returned the sentiment.

It's been too often in recent years I've heard this debate raging over the proper greeting for others in this age of diversity awareness and political correctness.  Trying to force your viewpoint of the holiday season onto the way people act around you is wholly opposed to what this time is about.  No matter what you observe, be it a major holiday or minor observance or even nothing at all, you must acknowledge that this is a time, once a year, when people try to be a little kinder to one another.  For example, on the way to my girlfriend's house to spend time with her and her family for Christmas, I restrained myself from slowing down and flipping the bird while having brights flashed at me as I went 70 in a 55.  So, you know, little things.

The point being, no one owns this time of year.  The closeness of mankind which the holiday season espouses is about the whole of mankind - not just the sects of it which believe the same things you do.  When someone tells you "Merry Christmas" take it for what it is - well-wishing.  A sincere and honest hope that this time of year turns out well for you.  If you don't observe, so what?  Does that mean you should be offended that whoever told it to you hasn't taken into account that your religion doesn't overlap with theirs?  No, come on.  Be serious here.  By the same token, if someone tells you "Happy Holidays," don't insist they say "Merry Christmas."  Not everyone celebrates Christmas, and you can't insist that they do.  That's pretty contrary to the whole idea of inclusion and togetherness, isn't it? 

This time of year holds meaning to practically every major religion in the world.  Whether it be the necessity of community for survival in harsh months or actual divine intervention bringing about a reason for observance, winter has brought mankind together.  So the next time someone gives you some sort of seasonal greeting, be it "Merry Christmas," "Happy Holidays," or "Festive Solstice," appreciate the sentiment behind them if not the words themselves. 

Which is actually a pretty good segue way into my next point.  The spirit of this season, the whole notion behind it, is to be thoughtful.  The point of this entire time of year is thoughtfulness, but giving is a part of that as well.  In our commercialized society, we see this reflected in the influx of advertising from retailers trying to convince us that their hot ticket item is THE hot ticket item.  We buy into this exactly how we're supposed to, which leads to incidents like a Wal-Mart employee being trampled to death by shoppers breaking down the doors on Black Friday.  Indeed, that is hardly an isolated incident.  Even in cases not resulting in fatalities, the rage, jealousy, and greed which accompanies this time of year does a disservice to the holiday spirit.

There's no restraint in our culture, no sense of morality infused with our need to have things.  The truth is that the spirit of giving really doesn't matter much if you do it without thought behind it.  I was more thrilled by a set of pencils my girlfriend gave me for Hanukkah than any latest video game or other expensive trinket she could have offered me because she laid out her entire gift scheme to be one showing forethought and planning.  She took time to do more than look at something she'd seen advertised somewhere and say "boy, commercialized America makes me think David would really like this."  She saw the work I've been doing over at The Backlog (the finest blog about unplayed video games which also has comics on the internet today) and, through her gifts, let me know she supports me every step of the way. 

Giving is not about procuring some hard-to-obtain item.  It is not about flaunting your wealth or generosity.  The idea of giving a gift is about putting thought behind it, in saying through some small gesture or token that you listen to what your gift-receiver is saying, you pay attention, and you believe in and support them.  Holidays are about faith in a higher power, but in giving we can show our faith in one another.  Now don't get me wrong, there are some great gadgets and toys out there which would make a lot of people happy to own.  However, the thing commercialism has taken from us the most in this respect is our creativity, our thoughtfulness.  Instilled in us instead is the idea that spending enough money will somehow make everybody happy. 

Holidays are about togetherness.  They're a time for family, friends, and loved ones.  Whether you're in church, at home, or at the movies, we seek to be with others at this time.  That makes us happy.  What lifts our spirits and infuses us with the joy of the season is the people around us and the things they do and we do for them.  Gifts are an accentuation, a supplement, not a dire need.  Sometimes, just the sincere wish of "Happy Holidays" can get the job done.  If you want to show you care in a deeper way, it doesn't take waiting in line at 4AM to get into a store (though I've had people do that twice for me now and I hope they know I did appreciate it).  It doesn't take an extravagant gesture or flashy gift.  It just takes some thought, something you know you'll love to give as much as they will love to receive.

And finally, I'd like to share the one special prayer I made while attending Midnight Mass.  I had no real desire to go to church, and, as I expected, I felt terribly out of place being the lone Jew in a gathering dedicated to the birth of Jesus.  An unfair circumstance, now that I think about it, as Jesus himself had at least two others present at the actual event.  In any event, my girlfriend has a deep and abiding faith which I greatly admire, and she let me know it would mean a lot to her if I came along.  So I went, and while I was there I put aside the issue of faith and belief and the disappointed look I knew my mother was affecting 500 miles away without knowing why, and I just listened to the choir.  I had gone there primarily just to hear her sing, but there's something about a choir I always love.  The principle is the same across many genres, spiritual or non; voices raised together in harmony sound bigger, better, stronger than a single voice.  And I know that even as these people are all united in their faith, they are divided by other aspects of life.  They might have different upbringings, different jobs, different sports teams or life goals or political beliefs, but when singing, that all stops mattering.  When you raise you voice with others, the power of it, the physically palpable wave of sound which washes over you, brings people together.  That, I believe, is what the spirit of the holidays feels like.

So, as I sat inside the church, prayers and hymns I'm unfamiliar with echoing around me, I offered up one simple message to the Lord.

"God," I said, "thank you for Alison.  And Merry Christmas."

He knows I'm Jewish and don't celebrate, but somehow I don't think that matters.