iPad, youPad

If there's one thing that's fun about the gadget of Apple, it's prognosticating about new devices without even touching them. I probably won't buy an iPad, but I think it's pretty nifty technology and it will probably find a niche beyond just "People Who Buy Anything that Steve Jobs blesses." Still, even with all the info reveal, I think there's still a question of where it will fit in a consumer's arsenal of technology:

* Work - There's pretty much no way this device will work at work. Imagine modifying a spreadsheet with this sucker. Seems improbable right? If the iPhone couldn't dislodge the dominance of BlackBerrys there's almost no way the iPad will become a widely used business tool. Just not gonna happen.

* Play - The joy of the iPhone/iPod touch is that it's a proper portable and innovative gaming device. PSPs and DSs are great, but most average folks aren't carrying those around, unless they're gamers already. Will there be a whole lot of new awesome games for the iPad? Absolutely. Will people buy this sucker specifically as a gaming device? Highly unlikely. Then there's music capability. Now, it's nice that I can listen to iTunes and buy music on this tablet, but similar to a hardcore gamer, if you're a big music listener you've already got an iPod and a home listening setup (a turntable or fancy computer speakers or whatever) and there's just no real need for this device as a portable music player. it does nothing really that an iPod/iPhone doesn't already.

* Other Stuff - This vaguely defined area is probably where iPad will succeed. As a book-reader it will at least give Amazon some competition, which is a good thing. As an internet device, it will give netbook makers a bit of fright. But I think the real killer app will be something that doesn't even exist yet. The biggest benefit of this device, as many commentators have said, is that it's literally a blank slate. A well executed, innovative app could make this thing a must have device. And believe me if I knew what that was, I'd be downloading the SDK today.

Greatest Song Ever Written Contest 2010: Round Three

Here they are, the winners of the 2nd round of the These Gentlemen Song Contest! Competition was fierce, but ultimately 8 songs had to go, leaving us with just 4 brackets left in this, the Quarter-Finals. The match-ups are growing more intense, the decisions more difficult with each elimination. Who will move on to the Semi-Finals? What will be the final choice of you, the reader?

Send in your votes to TGSongContest@gmail.com by midnight, February 3rd. A champion must be named!

ROUND THREE

1st Bracket:

"Imagine" by John Lennon
vs.
"Love Song" by The Cure


2nd Bracket:

"Moondance" by Van Morrison
vs.
"Build Me Up, Buttercup" by The Foundations

3rd Bracket:

"Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
vs.
"Wonderwall" by Oasis


4th Bracket:

"Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding
vs.
"Superstition" by Stevie Wonder

Oh, to Be Caprican

With last week's explosive start to Ronald Moore's new Syfy drama Caprica - a prequel series set 50 years before that of the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica - viewers indulged in following the unfurling family drama between the crestfallen Greystones and the stoic Adamas. Named for the capital planet in a system of 12 colonies, Caprica introduces its audience into an immersive universe where planetary origin determines one's culture or race, where religion steps beyond personal belief and into cultural imposition, and where the importance of the question, "What makes a person a person?" has only increased with the presence of technology. Fans - former and new - are ready to be the flies on the wall as these characters explore contemporary issues through trials, tribulations, and science fiction metaphors. Of course, as fans of Caprica's parent series should expect, Moore and Syfy have taken it one step further, encouraging show-fans to involve themselves and participate in the world they have created. Following the airing of Caprica's pilot episode, Syfy began an online, newspaper blog written by persons portraying fictitious news-writers from Caprica's immersive universe:

The Caprican

Television shows have been leaking onto the web in large and small ways - looking to stimulate their audiences past their alloted 22, 44, or 55 minute time slots. Typically, this translates into four* separate methods by which television show runners/producers attempt to occupy their audiences - viral marketing, canonical web-series, officiated websites, and open forum. However, none of these allow the audience to actively interact with their show's respective universe. By reading and commenting on The Caprican, audience members not only can read in-universe breaking news, but explore the colonial stock market, interplanetary sports, Caprican style and clothing, and even colonial politics. Commenters take on personas as if they are citizens of the colonies themselves, attacking or defending news articles and their implications. Now Caprica's audience no longer has to remain in casual observation, but can follow in a somewhat-canonical sphere. Outraged by the media's portrayal of Taurons? Should Libran finally fund its own pyramid team? Pick a planet, adopt a personality, and let readers know what you think.

Of course, what commenters say about specific plot points aren't taken as cannon, but my impression is that the articles themselves will reflect, in most respects, facts consistent with both the universe's history and the events on the show. I hope Syfy executives (and fans) allow The Caprican writers the freedom to interpret those facts with a Caprican skew (I would feel short-changed otherwise). Who knows? Maybe - someday - we'll get to see The Scorpia Inquirer or The Picon Post floating around our inter-webs and fans will get to explore the diverging view each planet's citizens have of core events in the series. Plus, who doesn't love a make-believe media war? Needless to say, it's an exciting time for television, its audience, and the showrunners themselves. While not exactly ground-breaking, The Caprican brings us just a small step closer to audiences having active influence in televised, imaginary worlds

*- I've intentionally excluded video games and wikis. While video games provide a similar kind of activity and it's arguable that forums are near-synonymous with wikis,video games are both atypical and usually non-canonical where the more dependable and oft-used wikis are typically created and maintained by devout fans - not producers or showrunners.

WWJD?

Many of you have been keeping track, no doubt, of the Tonight Show debacle which is quickly coming to a head. As all parties involve move towards the worst possible solution for everybody, I am forced to ask myself a question that I don't think anyone else involved has bothered to consider.

WWJD?

No, not Jesus; although, he does have experience as a Talk Show host. Though if anyone is asking, my assumption is that he would either mediate the difficulties of NBC, Conan O'Brien, and Jay Leno through prayer and thoughtful discussion, or punish them all for their iniquities and excessive lifestyles. It really all depends on what you believe.

Second highest-rated public access show
in lower Colorado!

No, I'm talking about the OTHER J.C., one much more relevant to the conversation at hand.

Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

Johnny Carson, the host of the Tonight Show for 30 years from 1962 to 1992, was in this situation once before. Many of us may not remember, but when Carson retired from the Tonight Show, he actually retired. That was the end of his tenure on television. He was seen after that only rarely - once, notably, to receive a standing ovation simply for walking onto the set of Late Night with David Letterman, and once to lift a Buick over his head in support of Krusty the Klown.



The Buick was later purchased by Jay Leno.

And his exit was far from ideal. Despite hosting the show for 30 years, many still felt he was forced out of his position by Jay Leno, who aggressively sought the role of the new host. By all accounts, Carson wanted David Letterman to succeed him, and in fact did refuse to appear on the Tonight Show as long as Leno was the host. But not once in the stretch of 13 years from his retirement to his death did he ever attempt to actually knock Leno off the air. He had his time, what was done was done.

So why can't history repeat itself? Well, for one, NBC seems intent on making terrible decisions, and two, Jay Leno is not bowing out gracefully as did his predecessor. When Leno left The Tonight Show, he immediately returned to NBC with The Jay Leno Show, which was now the lead-in to the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. In a new time slot, many people discovered what the veneer of Carson's untouchable legacy had somehow hidden - Jay Leno is not actually very funny. People began tuning out, and TVs were not on NBC when Conan's show came on.

Another victim of low ratings due to a terrible lead-in.

Now, when Johnny left, Letterman went to another network and began his own show. Leno took over the Tonight Show, and eventually Conan O'Brien filled Letterman's shoes as the host of Late Night, the follow-up to the Tonight Show. Over the years, Conan, a former writer for Saturday Night Live and The Simpsons, found his pacing and garnered a loyal audience. He turned down several lucrative offers from other networks during his tenure because he was often told he was being groomed to eventually become the host of the Tonight Show, a life-long dream of his. A dream formed by and large because of how inspired he had been by Johnny Carson. In 2004, it was made official - Jay would leave and Conan would step in. It seemed like everything was moving along in a manner meeting the Johnny Carson seal of approval - which even his own departure did not.

Then, the network stepped in.

"The Titanic, the Hindenburg, NBC . . . manmade disasters."

NBC executive Jeff Zucker decided that despite Leno's abysmal ratings, the solution was not to, as would seem rational, support The Tonight Show and Conan, but to continue backing Jay. Leno was offered his old time slot back in a 30-minute format, which would move Conan back to 12:05 - meaning The Tonight Show would actually become the "Very Soon into the Next Day Show." Conan announced he would have no part of it, and was going to leave NBC if this took place. Zucker did not relent, and so Conan did indeed decide to quit. This move prompted many, including fellow Gentlemen Matt Lindeboom, to declare their support by stating in solidarity "I'm with CoCo."

So, What Would Johnny Do? If history is any barometer, he would retire with grace and dignity, stepping down to allow the next generation a chance at greatness. Even if he didn't agree with the choices made, he would abide by them, knowing that his accomplishments would not be diminished. He would lead a life of quiet solitude with his family, traveling and enjoying retirement, leaving his fans with a lifetime of memories to cherish. He would not instead stick around, letting the network fire his successor and put him back into the same spot he had just left.

Johnny Carson would have refused NBC's offer and told them to stick with Conan. Johnny Carson would never have accepted a new show - certainly not one leading into The Tonight Show - in the first place. And if the situation came down to what it is now, Johnny Carson would not continue to smile and pander, pretending he's a victim too, all while gleefully stepping back into the role he was supposed to have passed on to its rightful heir.

But, as Leno states himself, he is no Johnny Carson.

30 Tiny Truths - 13

13 - Superpowers

I have two superpowers that I know of - temporary invisibility and crowd mastery.

Let's start with the crowd mastery. Years of attending concerts and sporting events have allowed me to realize that I am very very good at moving through a crowd. I can bob and weave like nobody's business. I can get in and get out of a venue like my life depends on it, which alas it does not. But hey, if I catch an earlier metro train on a regular basis that probably adds up to like 3 or 4 extra hours of life that I could have wasted in crowds. I will use this time to cure a very curable form of cancer.

Then there's my invisibility. I can only control it in one particular situation - when I walk up to a bar to order a round, I will suddenly and inexplicably become unseeable by the bartender. This will happen whatever I do. Wave money or not wave money, give them the eye or just look at the tap, it does not matter. It takes me an unnatural amount of time to get served at bars. This power has provided no practical value to date, but I remain hopeful that someday I will somehow foil a criminal bartender trying to commit a crime and thinking (naively!) that no one is around. Sadly I still will not even be rewarded with a beer for my heroics afterward, due to my superpower.




Also, I can juggle.

Greatest Song Ever Written Contest 2010: Round Two

The first round has concluded. 32 songs went in, only 16 songs remain. From this list, you, the reader, will now decide which songs will move on to the quarter finals in the quest to be named the Greatest Song Ever Written. The fat has been trimmed, and what remains is a streamlined list of some of the greatest songs of any era.

Please send in your votes to TGSongContest@gmail.com by Saturday, January 23rd at midnight. Vote early. Get your friends to vote. Get your enemies to vote. Let your cat walk across your keyboard and hope it either votes for the songs you like or transforms you into the Freakazoid. The point is; vote!

The brackets for the second round are:

ROUND TWO

1st Bracket:

"Wake Up" by The Arcade Fire
vs.
"Imagine" by John Lennon


2nd Bracket:

"Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley
vs.
"Moondance" by Van Morrison


3rd Bracket:

"Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
vs.
"Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd


4th Bracket:

"Moon River" by Henri Mancini
vs.
"Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding


5th Bracket:

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
vs.
"Superstition" by Stevie Wonder


6th Bracket:

"Wonderwall" by Oasis
vs.
"God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys


7th Bracket:

"Build Me Up, Buttercup" by The Foundations
vs.
"Juicy" by The Notorious B.I.G.


8th Bracket:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" by John Denver
vs.
"Love Song" by The Cure

Know Your Rights!

I had my first, and preferably last, small claims court experience this week. It was one of those Painful Learning Experiences that, as a new adult, you have no choice but to take part in because no matter what they tell you on your 18th birthday, no one can ever really prepare you for being completely and totally responsible for your own affairs after 18 years of being a child.

So when I was 20 years old I signed a terribly written lease to a house in disrepair owned by an unexperienced landlord not even ten years older than me. Three years and a lot of (frankly) bullshit later, we were suing said landlord for withholding our security deposit without doing anything remotely legal in order to do so.

The following is some advice to the newly adult, as a reminder that once you are an adult, you are truly an adult and your parents cannot help you where the law is concerned: ignorance does NOT hold up in a court of law.

The faulty lease in question was barely legal, and the copy we we were given by aforementioned landlord had zero dates in it. The first version of the lease had only one of my roommate's names on it. And yet we signed it, simply wanting to go to school with a local roof over our heads that wasn't completely falling apart or dangerous, misunderstanding the true power of our John Hancocks. So when we stood up in court and presented the copy of the lease we were given as evidence, and the landlord said that was not the lease he had, it was the beginning of the end for us. According to his lease signed by us, we were supposed to have been out a week before we thought we were based on when we paid rent. It didn't make sense, and it was incredibly shady, but there were our signatures on the last page.

The verdict was bittersweet because, though we were blindsided by the signed lease, the way our ex-landlord handled pretty much everything from the start was completely illegal according to Maryland law. At the end of the day the judge ruled that we owed him one month's rent and he owed us our security deposit, equal to one month's rent, plus interest.

So, To Summarize:

WHAT WE DID WRONG:
- we did not know or learn our rights as tenants under Maryland law, which can be found here: http://www.peoples-law.org/housing/ltenant/llt.html
- we accepted and signed a faulty, unfinished lease, and accepted a copy without move in/out dates.
- we accepted and signed a faulty, unfinished lease, and did not initial the other pages to ensure that they stayed the same from our signing day
- we took a few pictures of damage to the house at move-in, but they were not complete or comprehensive, and they did not have dates


WHAT HE DID WRONG:
- he did not know or learn his responsibilities as a landlord under Maryland law, which can also be found here: http://www.peoples-law.org/housing/ltenant/llt.html
- he wrote an illegal lease and preyed upon young college students desperate for housing (thanks University of Maryland) who he assumed (correctly) wouldn't know or understand their rights
- he "assumed" a date but did not invite us to a walkthrough before moving out
- he did not send us a list of damages at all, let alone by 1st class mail within the first 30 days of move-out


Know your rights, you guys. It's really worth it, because when you are so freshly an adult people will prey on you, and those who are not busy exploiting you will still assume that you are just young, and dumb, and they will not take you seriously.

In essence, you can't help your birthdate or the elasticity in your skin, but you can help being ignorant. Don't be ignorant, for your own sake.