Gentleman in Residence - Jess: All The News That's Fit to China

See Jess' first Gentleman in Residence post here.

You know how, when you get a new car, all of a sudden you start seeing the same car everywhere? It's as if suddenly everyone in your town decided they also desperately needed a silver Saturn SL1.

I've noticed something similar happening with China in the news since I got here. I'm positive it's just that I never really paid attention to articles about China before it suddenly because relevant to my life, but U.S. news sources suddenly seem to be paying a lot of attention to what's going on here. And most of it seems to be really bad.

Now, I'll give you that the past couple weeks have been kind of exceptional, with the news that the imprisoned Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo won the Nobel Peace Prize (Not to mention the Chinese government's subsequent crackdown on celebrations) and Tim Geithner attacking Chinese currency policy, the House of Representatives passing a bill trying to prevent trade imbalances due to Chinese currency manipulations and the news that U.S. candidates have apparently decided that the catchphrase of the day is "Blame China!"

Still, I've also seen articles about Chinese vacation policy, the differences between education in China and America, and the question of whether or not there is free speech in China (short answer: no, unless you're a foreigner, or rich), news that China is fighting a report alleging that Chinese ammunition and weapons have been sold to Darfur, and the Obama administration launching an investigation into Chinese clean-energy subsidies.

I can't claim that my month and a half living here has imparted some great wisdom about the Chinese people. But I do think that, left to the western media's devices, you're never going to hear anything but bad news about China. So, interested in reading about something other than how evil Beijing is? Here's a couple blogs I follow to get news about what's going on in everyday China:

China Geeks takes a lot of Chinese media sources, translates their stories and then provides analysis. China Geeks also has an awesome blogroll if you want to find more things to read.

China Smack, a gossip site similar to Jezebel, only without the feminist bent.

This Ridiculous World, an expat blog that is usually hysterical.

My Laowai, another really funny blog. Laowai is a word that literally means foreigner, but can be used as a very negative name to call obnoxious non-Chinese.

Gentleman in Residence - Jess: Four Improbable Things I Do Every Day (In China)

Friendly Gentlereaders: I am proud to introduce Jess, who will be the first poster in our new Gentlemen in Residence series.

For the month of October, inagurual GiR Jess will contributing posts about her very exciting (and improbable) life teaching English overseas in Nanjing, China (population: only half a million less than NYC). You can also read about her adventures at her own blog, jesseract. But for now, we've got her here, so read on below and give her a Gentlemanly welcome!

~Brett

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Hallo, Gentlemen! My name is Jess, and I'll be guest blogging from China every Sunday for the next month. I moved to China largely because I'm impetuous and make poor decisions when I'm bored and unhappy (see also: joining the Navy, moving to D.C., breaking up with various boyfriends...), but I've been told that what I lack in rationality I make up for in bizarre adventures.

For my first post I've decided to give you a broad overview of my life in China, using, of course, a list. Enjoy!

4 Improbable things I do every day

1) Squat to pee

Everyone who reads my blog (or my Facebook, or my Twitter, or talks to me on IM, or has met me on the street and speaks English) is probably really tired of my complaining about the squatters. But I can't help it. Day-to-day, my life is not that different from life in the U.S. But every time I go to the bathroom and I'm confronted by a porcelain hole in the floor, it's a stark reminder that I am no longer in Kansas. I mean, even in Kansas they use toilets.

What, you want comfort? Capitalist pig!

2) Stalk white people

I am alone, adrift in a sea of Asian faces. I have found myself going blocks out of my way because I'm stalking white people in Nanjing. This has, at times, backfired, like when I followed a whole group of white people around the Nanjing museum for 20 minutes before I realized that they weren't speaking English, were actually Italian, and were beginning to wonder if they should alert the authorities about the crazy short girl who was ineptly attempting covert actions.

It's exactly like this, but in China.

3) Use chopsticks

I know what you're thinking: "Ok, Jess, I'll give you that squatters are gross, and, well, stalking white people isn't exactly normal, but you're in China. Even Americans eat Chinese food with chopsticks, even if they do it so poorly that they end up flicking pieces of broccoli across the room."

Yes, I agree. But I have only to show you one picture.

The horror.

See? Chinese people eat *birthday cake* with chopsticks. It's weird. Also, using chopsticks seems to have impaired my fork-using skills. By the time I get back to the U.S. I'm going to have to resort to shoveling the Chipotle burrito bol I've now been craving for 42 days into my mouth using my hands.

4) Carry toilet paper with me

Every time I reach into my pocket and pull out my little packet of toilet paper, I think, "My grandmother would be so proud of me."

Seriously, though, public bathrooms don't supply toilet paper here. What this means in practice is that upon the insult of the squatter is imposed the injury of having to dig through your pockets or your bag in order to wipe; precariously balancing so you don't actually pee on your clothes or touch the disgusting floor of the squatter. This obviously does not apply to boys.

Basically, what I dream at night.

One interesting thing, though, is that the Chinese have taken this opportunity to prove that capitalism trumps all: when you're walking on the street and you're approached by a guy who wants you to visit his club he's going to give you a little packs of toilet paper instead of annoying flyers. See, Americans, Communism, much like moving to China, is a better idea than a reality!