Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Very Sexy Round Table

These Gentlemen are happy to announce the return of a perennial favorite feature - The Round Table! Round Tables won't necessarily be posted on the site with the regularity of our scheduled posts, as we'll be writing them as inspiration for a question strikes, but anytime we do have a Round Table to share, we'll be doing so on a Saturday. Just think of it as an added Gentlemanly bonus to spice up your weekend.

And speaking of a little spice - we'll be easing our way back into the Round Table by unearthing a question to which many of our original members responded back in the spring that got lost in the shuffle of our evolving site.

It being spring, love was in the air, and sex was on our minds. (Well... it was on my mind at least.) So in the spirit of keeping things classy in the bedroom, I posed the following question to These Gentlemen: What is your ideal sex playlist?

Find their alluring (and varied!) responses below:


"Entrance of the Gladiators" - by Julius Fučík. If that song is not immediately available, "Also sprach Zarathustra, Op. 30" - by Richard Strauss.

Matt Lindeboom

Okay, so I like to transform sex into a spectacle of light, sound, and orgasmic revelations; which is why I bought a dual light and smoke machine and placed it directly at the foot of my bed. These sexual events, as I call them, have been criticized by the Philadelphia Inquirer as "gaudy examples of how the act of making love has degenerated into the arena of baroque Enya light shows that one sees all too often after a night at the bar." The blood-red satin drapes, I believe, are what the reviewer was referring to when she said "baroque." So I've told you about the light and spectacle, how about the sound? Music must be carefully coordinated to garner a certain effect, much like the soundtrack to a movie.
  1. It’s important not to come on too strongly or predictably -- both are equally devastating to any aural quality your sex event may take on. Chuck the Marvin Gay. Scuttle that Isaac Hayes and watch to make sure it sinks to the bottom of your fish tank. I suggest starting with Robin Thicke’s “Sex Therapy.” Just subtle enough to get things started.
  2. After the initial mood is set, push the play button on “Your Sex is on Fire,” by Kings of Leon just to let your partner know that you appreciate his or her particular brand of sex. (N.B. I would not recommend this selection of either you or your partner have an STD.)
  3. Now that roller coaster is building, you will want to sprinkle in some rap to keep a beat to. This is especially smart for you guys and gals who have a hard time finding a rhythm. I’m partial to “Alphabet” by Blackilicious. But you should do you.
  4. By now the spinning lights and smoke that’s filled the room have left you completely disoriented; its time to slow it down and recompose yourself -- maybe plan your next killer move that you read about in Elle or Maxim. The sex-mix usually is playing “Oh Danny Boy,” by now. I'll just as soon not go into it.
  5. Let’s skip to the climax. Once the peak of ecstasy is inevitable, let the theme to “Jurassic Park” take you over the edge. Please -- someone, anyone -- tell me how John Williams wouldn’t make sex more epic than ever thought humanly possible?
  6. Finally, when you both are good and collapsed and talking about Paris in the winter, discreetly switch to the last song in the sex-mix: Queen’s “We are the Champions.” Let fly your barbaric yawp, and sink into whatever bed good, American electric rock has made for you.

Max Nova

As unlikely as it sounds, my past experiences have been music-free and I wouldn't see a change in that in the future. I think having something like Barry White playing at the time would just induce a wave of giggling.


Ask Adam- he controls the music.

Maybe The National?


To be super honest, I don't prefer to have music going. Probably just cause I'm ADD and want no distractions. And if the CD or playlist runs out suddenly it's awkward. And it's equally wierd (in my opinion at least) to either go along with, or against, the rhythm.

That said if there are people around music is good for privacy. Not only because it isolates you in a sound-pocket, but also because it sends a clear message of "we're trying to be private and discreet." In which cases I like something with a female vocalist, that's kind of dark, keeps a pretty steady beat, early-90's-ish... My Bloody Valentine, Garbage, Portishead. Which suggests I'm having some kinda like seriously goth-y sex, but what can I say, the traditional Led Zeppelin just doesn't do it.

Anything in 5/4 time, not that it's kinky or anything.

David Pratt

I don't really listen to music that often when having sex. I can't honestly say I have any kind of preference one way or the other. I'm sure there is plenty of music that would take me OUT of the mood, but I 'm hard-pressed to think of any that puts me IN it.

So instead, I'll just submit this playlist of what I feel is acceptable doing it-time music.

1) "Face Down, Ass Up" by 2 Live Crew
2) "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy
3) "Hate Fuck" by Mount Sims
4) "Violent Pornography" by System of a Down
5) "Buch dich" by Rammstein6) "Put It In Your Mouth" by Akinyele
7) "Fuckin' You Tonight" by The Notorious B.I.G.
8) "Still Getting my Dick Sucked" by DJ Paul
"I'd Like to Fuck the Shit Out of You" by David Allen Coe
Anything by R. Kelly.

Of course, it's strictly a matter of opinion.


Jon Stewart answers for me, between 1:20 and 2:30.

Adam Z. Winer

Apparently I've been designated to answer this question?... so I will.. but it's going to be disappointing because I don't really have "mood" music. I think it generally needs to be something with steady tempo, but also something that can be ignored. Usually play it safe - something reliable.

Some artists I've played: Sondre Lerche, the Beatles, Broken Social Scene, the Beatles (NOT Sgt Pepper), Spoon. I'd probably play some low-key hip hop or Red Hot Chilli Peppers if I knew what was good.

B(ootylicious) Graham

In my humble opinion there is no sexier, more sensual, more romantic music genre than R&B. However, my chosen life partner is not at all interested in what that genre has to offer, so when I listen to KC and JoJo or Usher or Luther Vandross or anyone else crooning in those smooth milk chocolate hug voices about their ladies, the ambiguous romantic fuzzies I get have nothing to do with him. And since it takes two to tango, so to speak, it just doesn't seem fair not to bring him into the equation.

As a friend told me when I asked her advice on answering this question, "you have more important things to worry about than changing CDs every 40 minutes.... music is like the
garnish on the dish, it isn't the main course."

And besides, I am myself, which means that something completely ridiculous would switch on my ipod and we would just laugh.

ali d

I very rarely plan my sexual encounters, and when I do, I'm much more focused on the impending dirty deed than I am setting any kind of romantic mood. (I am, in fact, a huge fan of silly, giggly sex. Because let's face it, sex? Kind of ridiculous.)

I did, however, once have the extremely convenient pleasure of dating a gentleman who lived in a not-so-big apartment with three other guys. When we wanted to have some modicum of privacy in his room, we'd throw some music on, and my band of choice quickly became the British electronic band Zero 7 - particularly their album When It Falls, although I do also really enjoy "In the Waiting Line" off Simple Things.

It's mellow. It's sensual. And most importantly, it's understated. The music has enough of a rhythm that you don't get thrown off your game, but it's not so overpowering that you feel like you need to be keeping time. The vocals glide around the room as an accompanying accessory to the prevailing carnal act, and your attention can slide in and out of the music as it's appropriate. My personal favorite tune is "Home," so if you're looking for something new to add to the bedroom (or wherever you so choose to have a romantic interlude), I'd highly recommend starting there.

So there you have it. We hope that we have offered you some new ideas when it comes to creating your own mood the next time you want to share an intimate moment with a special someone. But remember, above all else when it comes to matters of the flesh: A true Gentleman never kisses and tells.


jesseract said...

The first guy I ever slept with had those "Pure Moods" cds that he'd put on every time. It started out romantic and sweet, but after a while my brain decided to switch into absurd mode, and I thought they were hysterical. To this day I can't hear Enya without snorting laughter.

Incidentally, he didn't think they were nearly as funny as I did. Oops.

~brennan said...

@breet - yeah, but 9/8....

seriously, the worst thing in the world is an itunes library on shuffle when you start getting going. YOU WILL REGRET IT.

David Pratt said...

Zero 7 was my other answer.