A Little Smug With Your Pizza?

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's smug advertising. Ads that give you a wink and a nudge, and say "hey, we know you're gonna buy our product, because you're a smart, hip, twenty something, and come on, our product is the obvious best choice anyway." McDonald's does this in some of their ads, specifically that visual abortion where the guy records a CD of himself singing a horrible song detailing the ingredients of the Big Mac, which he then passes out to all his friends ("I want, I need!"...to kill you). Verizon's recently pumped a lot of smug into their ads too, most notably the one where the guy is finishing all of the girl's sentences while she tries to ask him about his new, super small computer (couldn't find this one online). It's a miracle she doesn't lean over and punch the guy in the face two sentences in. "Shut up, dude! I'm trying to ask you something!"

But recently, no one one has captured the idea of smug advertising quite like Pizza Hut. Yes, Pizza Hut, who once captured my heart with their "Land Before Time" ad campaign, and even more so with this gem, that played before my Ninja Turtle video as a kid.

But Pizza Hut, you have forgotten your roots.


Give me a break. Is anyone actually buying into this? Wow, I can't believe it, you really mean this sodium drenched fettuccine alfredo with chicken I'm eating WASN'T MADE BY A PASTA CHEF? And please, don't tell me this mac and cheese with bacon I've been so savoring is actually from a fast food pizza place-my heart just couldn't take it (the truth, not the pasta. Wait, maybe both).

But their newest ad outdoes any of the prior ones. In the commercial, which I could not find online, a giant douchy, twenty something, jerkoff, walks up to people holding a "P'zone," Pizza Hut's more deadly version of a calzone, and a sub. Not a sub sandwich, a plastic sub toy. It's yellow. He then asks people if they'd rather have a $5 P'zone, or a $5 sub. Not a sub sandwich, mind you, a TOY ASS SUB. Even if this ad was done with actual people, and not actors, of course, they're all going to pick the P'zone. Because one of the two items being offered ISN'T EDIBLE FOOD. They might as well say, "Pizza Hut-Our Food Ranks Above Plastic!"

But then, that'd be something of a stretch.