Don't Make Me Get the Belt!

Fellow Gentleman JohnOzkirbas posed a parenting question to resident relationship guru Max Nova recently. Should you ever chastise a parent for his/her child's behavior? If yes, how would you go about it? I think the question is apt and timely in today's society, and with that statement, I'm about to make a startling confession:

I was spanked as a child.

That's right, when I misbehaved, my parents used their hands to smack my ass until it was red and raw. Furthermore, when I mouthed off to my mother, she put pepper on my tongue. And on one particularly memorable evening, I was forced to sit in the bathroom with a bar of soap in my mouth for what seemed like an eternity. (I think my offense had been telling one of my sisters to 'shut up,' but I can't promise that I remember the incident perfectly.) I know that all of you gentle readers are already shocked and appalled, but I'm afraid I must make one more astonishing revelation:

I turned out all right, actually.

I'm not a social delinquent or a sexual deviant. I'm capable of having functional relationships with people. I still love my parents. And most importantly, you'd better believe that I respect rules and authority figures. When I did something wrong as a kid, I'd walk around for hours (sometimes days) with my hands over my butt just in case I got caught. The fear of punishment was usually enough to keep me from doing whatever it was again, and I've spent most of my life walking the straight and narrow.

And yet, these days parents can be arrested for spanking their children. In my education classes it was suggested that telling a wee young one that they're wrong might damage their precious psyches - and we can't have that, can we? The world seems to be going soft on discipline, and even worse, parents seem more than happy to grasp at any excuse not to take responsibility for their children's actions. "They're at that age." "I just can't control them." And my personal favorite: "I don't want to stifle their individuality by imposing my rules on them." 

The result? Kids have no sense of boundaries because parents aren't giving them any. When children have no parameters on their energy and they aren't taught that certain behaviors are wrong, they can end up running amok, leading to little monkeys swinging around the metro. There is a big difference between letting your child make his/her own decisions, and not setting a standard for appropriate behavior, especially in public. I see kids yelling and cussing at their parents, acting (and dressing - don't get me started) however they want in public, and completely disrespecting the lives of those around them, and not a damn thing is done about it. The more children are allowed to do whatever they want (and are given whatever they want), the more likely it is that they'll grow up into spoiled, indulged adolescents who become spoiled, irresponsible adults. Now, am I talking about all parents/kids? Of course not. But stay tuned for future posts telling stories of behavior that deserved a good smack - if only I'd been allowed to dole it out.

But who knows, maybe that's just the spanking talking. It could have had more negative effects on me than I know.

**Now, having said all this, there is a caveat to my musings: an adult should never raise a hand toward a child out of anger. If a parent rationally decides that a spanking is the best course of punishment for a child's action, it's one thing, but as soon as that parent hits their child out of anger, they are walking the dangerous line of abuse. Parents, don't beat your kids. Not cool.**