Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Teaser for These Gentlemen 2: DST

Last Summer. A movie was made.

(A close up of a gravestone reading "Brett Ratner" can be seen. It explodes. Jason Heat and David Pratt are ragged, walking down an empty road assumedly nearby.)

Jason: Rest in pieces, Brett Ratner.

David: Do you think this will hurt my chances of becoming president?

Jason: Murder? Assault? Grave Mutilation? I'm sure you won't be the first president to do any of that.

A Group Was Forged

(Jason raises a bottle of apple cider amongst a group of friends)

Jason: May we henceforth be known as These Gentlemen. Art. Politics. Life.

Damien: Culture?

Jason: Not anymore, Damo. 

(A tear rolls down Jason's cheek.)

Jason: Not anymore.

Now... A Nation in Crisis

(Adam Winer bursts through a pair of double doors. Dan Strauss and some nameless people are typing furiously in front of some expensive computer hardware)

Adam: Come on, people. Talk to me. We're the media. Give me something.

Dan: Sources indicate that time is literally being stolen from the American people.

Adam: Validate the source?

(Dan types faster)

Dan: Hold on - one minute. I need one more minute. I'm in!

(Something flashes onto a big screen)

Adam: How far back does this go?

Dan: Since the 18th Century, sir

Adam: Mother of God.

(Adam twitters: "America is screwed")

An Ancient Evil

(A voice can be heard as we see bundles of small booklets being dropped on wooden doorsteps)

Ben Franklin (voice): Soon, my true plan will be complete. Houses all across America will have Farmers Almanacs, allowing me to steal an hour of time once every year from everyone! Their life energy will become mine. And I will be immortal!

A President Elect

(A press room full of reporters surrounding a podium. David Pratt talks in front of the microphone)

David: My fellow Americans, as your youngest and brightest president I have solved the budget crisis, fixed healthcare, eliminated hunger and disease, made our country 110% energy independent, and removed America from all forms of moral ambiguity. Alas, the current crisis I cannot deal with alone. I'm calling These Gentlemen.

Last Summer These Gentlemen Got Revenge. But on 9/1/2009...

Steve: We're going to do what?

Max Nova: The man wanted our national bird to be the turkey.

Dan: Stuff I Love - 128: Not having an hour ripped away from my life every year

Steve: But, I'm just a humble banker! And Max you're a-

Max Nova: Here's some advice-

(Max cocks a barretta)

Steve: ...Touché

These Gentlemen.

(An interrogation room in Black and White, filled with wafting cigarette smoke. Scotty Maxwell is tied to a chair. Bloody and surrounded by three men with their sleeves rolled up, one of whom is Sam Elliot.)

Scotty: I've been hit harder at metal concerts

Elliot: You've been silent long enough, Scotty. You're gonna talk. And you're gonna talk now.

(Scotty spits on Elliot. Elliot smacks him. John Ozkirbas bursts into the room.)

Ozkirbas: You can't do that to my client. You're out of your jurisdiction, Elliot.

Elliot: Boy, you don't know the meaning of jurisdiction.

Scotty: No, really guys. It's ok. I have the perfect recipe for washing the blood out of my shirt without the black fading.

Introducing Ali Daniels and Brittany Graham:

(Ali and Brittany are cocking and loading an endless array of hardware. Jason and David look uneasy.)

Brittany: If it makes you feel any better, the Oscars make me cry.

Ali: (cocks a shotgun) This one's for George.

David (whispering): I thought we were called These Gentlemen.

(Brittany reaches into a her pant pockets and pulls out a rocket launcher and hands it to Ali)

Brittany: I designed these myself.

Ali: I'm gonna give Ben Franklin the spanking his parents never did.

Jason (whispering): That's progress.

and John Barkmeyer

Ben Franklin: Dear God-

John (voice): Call me J.A.J.

Ben Franklin: Finally! A response! I've been waiting so long-

(John is silent.)

Ben Franklin: Damn you, J.A.J.!


(Damien levels a revolver at the camera)

Damien: Post this.


(A close up of a closed eye-lid. A heart-monitor beeps. Once. Twice. Three times. The eye flips open)

Female voice: Elan?


We are here to entertain you.


Daniel said...


David Pratt said...

I am in awe.

Damo said...

It could use some re-writes, but I think we've got ourselves a pitch.

B.Graham said...

I'm actually releasing a new line of paisley and argyle rocket launchers this fall.