More Traffic Atrocities

Oh traffic jackassery. How accustomed I am to your ways. And it's not just the D.C. metro area either - as I drove through Baltimore City this morning trying to get to work, I felt myself filling with that familiar rage. That rage I feel when I'm faced with drivers who just won't use common sense.

I was going to comment on B's post, when I realized that what I had to say could fill up a post all its own. So (with her gracious permission) I would like to add my own little list of peccadilloes to hers:

1. Stay in your own damn lane. It's happened to all of us. We're driving along the highway, right as rain, when suddenly, traffic slows. We wait it out, wondering what problem we will face farther down the road. A terrible accident? Construction blocking three lanes? Or was it that elusive NOTHING? Ten minutes later, traffic picks up speed again, and with no reasonable explanation present, you're back on your way.

Often, that kind of traffic is the result of people who are just in too much of a hurry to stay in one lane. They see a brief opening in the lane next to them and jump into it, hoping that they'll gain that extra .5 seconds to speed ahead and make it to little Suzie's surgery 2 minutes sooner. But what does that mean for the rest of us? Typically, it means that the people behind the weaving little merger have to brake to let them into the lane. And then the people behind them have to brake. And when enough people spend their entire commute jumping from one lane to the next, trying to find the fastest moving aisle of traffic, enough brakes go on that the entire highway has to slow down. The traffic in the other lanes is going to get there just as quickly as yours is. I promise. Stop weaving please.

2. Don't wait to merge. If you see a sign (usually due to construction) telling you that the left lane is going to be closed in one mile, please, for the love of all things good in this world, don't wait to merge. Now, while traffic is still trucking along, merge (safely) into the right hand lane. Otherwise, everyone gets up to that blinking yellow arrow that tells you to consolidate into one lane, and a big ole line of cars forms as people now have to wait for a break in traffic to scooch into the open lane. And if this happens, I refer back to B's rules for merging: one at a time, folks. But really, you saw it coming. Just don't wait.

3. Don't hate on safe drivers. Okay, this one's not really a traffic rule, it's more a personal plea. I typically drive the speed limit on regular roads. When I'm on the highway, my average speed ranges from 3-7 mph over the speed limit. You might call me a grandma, but I've just found, in my seven years of driving, that this is a safe way to avoid accidents and tickets. If you want to speed, that's your prerogative. Feel free to pass me. But don't tail my bumper. (That just makes me want to slow down more.) Don't sit behind me and throw your hands up in the air so I know you're pissed. And DO NOT give me the finger or a dirty look as you pass me by. I'm the one following the rules here, buddy. If you want to break the law, go for it, but don't give me a hard time for doing what I'm supposed to.

It just makes sense. Traffic doesn't always have to be bad, and so I echo B's wish for good luck as you take to the roads this weekend.