Resolute

2010 snuck up on me this year, more than any other year has. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m getting older and the years are going by quicker or if it’s a greater phenomenon, but 2009 whizzed by and I’m left looking back and struggling to remember what were my goals, what did I accomplish, how did I spend the last 364 days? And the answer I come up with is this: I have spent the last 364 days being happened to. First Obama happened, and I did have something to do with that. Then the Economy happened, and I rode that wave with the rest of the country. I didn’t lose my job, but my main source of income was in working with Circuit City, and we all know what happened there. So I became part of the legions of the underemployed, hopping from non-paid freelance to ill-paid freelance, barely staying above water and only that because I am fortunate enough to have supportive parents. So I let that happen for awhile. I finally started to get some footing around August, when I moved to a cheaper apartment and got another job. Part-time, but you take what you can get. I was (finally) being proactive! Then a new job practically threw itself in my lap. Full-time, full benefits, and with my mounting medical bills I literally couldn’t afford to pass it up. Now there is money in the bank and I am supposed to be using this month to plan out the next few years. I’ve let time get away from me again, though, and 2010 is tomorrow. For the first time in my life, I know what people mean when they say “one day you wake up and you’re [insert ‘old’ age here].” Living is proactive.

So that’s my new year’s resolution: to be aware of the time I’m spending, and make choices for my life instead of just letting it happen to me. It was very easy to let life happen to me when I was in school because I still felt like I was going somewhere. Real life is so much harder in that sense, and I have to be vigiliant. So wish me luck, and let this be a cautionary tale. A lot is happening in the world that we can’t control, but I don’t think it’s going to stop any time soon. So don’t just wait it out.