Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Top 5 rich people most likely to pull off being Batman.

Scott Maxwell, Jason Heat and I seemed to agree that of all the superheroes, Batman was reasonably the most believable because his story doesn't involve supernatural powers or aliens or anything of the sort. It got us to thinking about who in real life could reasonably actually pull off being Batman, and most importantly, why aren't they doing it.

So here you are, my Top 5 really rich people most likely to pull off being Batman:

#5 - BILL GATES. To me, Gates seems an unlikely Batman by normal personality standards. He's no ladies man, he doesn't have an intimidating figure, and his public persona is that of a nice philanthropist; very un-Batman-like. But the dude is a freakin genius, and with an incredible $58 billion to play around with, I think the 52-year-old could build a Batsuit and Batcave to withstand just about anything. "Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation" my ass. You wanna make a difference Bill? Go watch Batman Begins and get inspired.

#4 - SERGEY BRIN and LARRY PAGE. Our chance for a real Batman and Robin duo. They created Google and have a combined $37 billion in the bank. They're the perfect age - mid 30's - and are clearly very smart and business savvy. What's more, Brin is a University of Maryland alum. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to being the dark knight and little robin, but a couple rich geniuses should be able to whip something together.


#3 - MICHAEL BLOOMBERG - What could be better than the
Mayor
of Gotham being the great protector of Gotham? Almost nothing is the answer. He may be 66 years old, but he's still going strong. Bloomberg has a famous name, and an impressive $11.5 billion of self-made moolah. With money and power, I think not only could Bloomberg pull off a second identity, but should. If he really loved his city, he would. You want that third term Bloomsy? This one should win the voters over.

#2 - STEVE JOBS
- The "iGod" is a modern marvel of entrepreneurship and probably the
coolest tech superstar ever. No one could make Batman gadgets like Jobs could, and no one could create a cloud of mystery like this guy. This is a dude who helped start Apple, got kicked out, bought Pixar, made it amazing, sold it for $7 billion more than he bought it for, and then, and then, came back to re-kick start Apple by revolutionizing the tech industry with the Macbook, iPod and iPhone. He's a still-ripe 53 years old, and has a $5.4 billion dollar net worth. He's a success, he's a narcissistic jerk, and he's a tech genius. Maybe the only guy around who could stare the the Joker in the eye and scare him. Let's hope the iBatman is right around the corner to save the day.

#1 - RICHARD BRANSON - Of all the crazy, rich motherfuckers out there, British superstar Sir Richard Branson might be crazy enough to actually attempt being Batman, and maybe the most likely to succeed. Branson has one thing going over all the others on this list, and that's an itch for action and adventure:

In 1985 he attempted the fastest Atlantic Ocean crossing but failed when his boat capsized. Determined, like Batman, he tried again in 1986 and beat the record by two hours. In 1987 he flew across the Atlantic Ocean on the largest hot air balloon ever, and the first time it was ever attempted by balloon, reaching speeds of 130 mph... in a balloon! During the 1990's, he attempted to fly around the entire world by balloon.

That kind of adventure was just for fun though. He turned a small record business into the famous Virgin Megastores, launched airline Virgin America, and has recently moved closer to launching Virgin Galactic, a space flight airline for civilians. He's described as having a flamboyant and brash personality, and his $4.5 billion should be enough cash to cover the venture. In short, he's wild and willing to go all-out, and it wouldn't surprise me much if he tried to be a superhero.

15 comments:

Ozkirbas said...

Richard Branson even sounds like a superhero secret identity

Damo said...

I love this post. Branson is my here, only fitting that he'd be my SUPERhero!

Mia said...

You hit the nail on the head with Branson. Not only would he be likely to, he's got serious connections (peter gabriel, nelson mandela, margaret thatcher... etc), he owns islands, he's been knighted.... He was even in Casino Royale. If he hasn't begun already... It's not as if Batman would Announce that sort of thing.

AZWiner said...

hahaha YES, he HAS been knighted... he's been DARK KNIGHTED

@LStacey said...

I'm Batman

Mark said...

Seriously? Brin? Jobs? Gates? Pfffft

Rubin said...

Branson has some Iron Man material in him too, btw.

Damo said...

Jobs and Gates are def longshots. Brin I could almost buy, whereas he could most definitely buy anything he damn well pleases. Branson is fantastic choice for top spot here.

But what about Burt Rutan? I know he "died" and all but I just don't buy it.

Ultimate longshot batman...

Steven Hawking!

G said...

Where's Elon Musk in the list? Of all the people, wouldn't the rich dude making rockets to go to space be high on the list? Hello? I mean Branson, sure, but the dude is BUILDING ROCKETS. Thrust for a car or 'cycle is easy once you've gotten satellites to space, right? Case closed. He's totally Batman.

bunnyhero said...

i think branson is the only plausible choice on your list. that said, iron man would probably work better for him than batman.

Nick said...

this is a subject not oft covered (but oft ignored) by most people out there and i therefore applaud you both on proposing it. fabulous analysis.

Scotty said...

I nominate Kevin Plank.

Scotty said...

Also, someone needs to do a serious cost analysis of how much it would take to be Batman. As in:

1) construction, furnishing, and ongoing maintenance of a secure Batcave
2) Research, design, testing, and outfitting of a fully functional Batmobile
3) fuel for the Batmobile (would it be powered on civilian-grade Jet-A, or the military's JP-8? Either way, not cheap)
4) Alfred's salary. Butlers aren't cheap, but one who has enough engineering knowledge to dedicate himself to ongoing R&D for new Bat Accessories? Ouch.

Rubin said...

5) Working out like crazy, incl. a trip to Tibet.

Jason Heat said...

Scotty, you should totally do that as your first post as a follow up.