Saturday, January 24, 2009

You Know You're From Montgomery County...

By Jason and Scotty

- Your high school experience was half asian, half jew, and you.
- You once had a snow day on the threat of sunshine.
- You've gotten dirty looks while driving in Kemp Mill.
- You've gotten mugged in Takoma Park, right in front of the scenic Electric Maid.
- You won't be at all surprised when everyone in Kentlands drinks the Kool-Aid.
- You were once in Poolesville. You still don't know why.
- You know Damascus is a two-flavor town. (Jiffy Cone rules! kinda.)
- You're Jewish but aren't afraid of going to camp in Germantown.
- You want to beat the shit out of everyone who hangs out in front of UA Bethesda.
- You know 90210 was originally Potomac 20854, but they wanted a beach.
- "Jap" is a racist term, but not for the Japanese.
- You once "fed the pig" at Cabin John Park... and we mean it both ways.
- How dare you say my hometown is a strip mall? ...fine.
- Everyone you know from high school went to Harvard... on the Pike (the 'K' stands fro quality)
- Your drug dealer went to Bullis
- You had a dagger pulled on you at Piratz Tavern
- You can find your stolen car at the Barnes & Noble on Saturday Night (hope you like neon green)
- You still pour out a 40 for the Corner Kick
- You never pay for Panera when you can dumpster dive there instead.
- The carousel at Glen Echo scares the shit out of you
- You wait all year for the Stone Ridge Book Fair (and that little old lady knows who you are)
- They're not malls, they're "shopping townEs"
- You got beat at Shadowland by an old lady
- You know the faux pas Hootie made singing 'Don't Go Back to Rockville'... in Rockville.
- You might hate the MVA, but it's still better than Bowl America
- It's 1am - time to go to Travilah Square!
- You know nobody grinds like Magruder


Anonymous said...

You should probably note that this is Maryland. There is also a Montgomery County, Texas and PA.

Here's some more that have been going around for awhile.

* You know better than to think that Go-Go is an 80s band

*You've crossed the border into DC and didn't realize it

*When you say you're going to the mall you don't necessarily mean you're going shopping

*There's at least 4 7-elevens on a road and each of them are at least a mile from each other

* Two words: Red Line

*You have been to at least a dozen twenty-four hour restaurants in the middle of the night...yes, the silver diner and tastees count

*You have a story about getting lost in Anacostia

*You have memorized where every red-light camera in the area is

*When people from around the area ask where you live, you tell them the name of the closest metro station and not your actual town

*You have eaten at Tastee's Diner in Bethesda drunk

*You cover everything you eat with OldBay...chips, fries, sandwiches, pizza, cereal...everything

*Chevy Chase is a place to live and shop, not an actor

*There are at least 8 ways to get everywhere and you know which way to go based on the time of day and whether you're coming or going

*You've been to a street race

* When you fly, you have 3 airports to choose from: Dulles, BWI, and Washington National...but you know that nobody ever calls it Washington National anymore except for locals...and you always choose BWI

*There are no North, South, East, or West directions on the Beltway, it's just the inner or outer loop

* You NEVER call "the Metro" the subway

Miasma said...

lol... scenic electric maid.

antipopular said...

or one of my favorite ones (thanks to Sperling for it):

10)-You know David Richman. If you don't, you must have just missed him.

Alison said...

I know what I was doing in Poolesville, and I hope Rosie did too, because it was her wedding.

Scotty said...

Actually, a lot of MoCo, MD-related jokes would work for Montgomery County, Texas, too... since it's the home of The Woodlands.