Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hey Women! the Future is NOW!

The following message is brought to you by the women of NOW:

Women have always been the more important gender. It's one of the reasons society makes a special effort to keep women out of harm's way. It's why in war time we put men on the front lines, not women. Biologically speaking, women have more value. This is because they are the child-bearers, and therefore more important to human survival. In short, the egg is more valuable than the sperm.


So besides learning that Sarah Palin will no longer torture the lives of those poor Alaskan citizens, for now, this is by far the best news we've heard in a long time:

Scientists in the UK may have just learned to create sperm from stem cells.

If you read the article, it's evident we're a few years away from using this experiment to affect our every day lives. However, this article must have been written by an aging man, because clearly the only thing they could think to do with this kind of discovery would be to eliminate erectile dysfunction, when clearly that's just a natural process. No, the real fruition of this discovery is when we can eliminate men altogether!

That's right, women! If we can create our own sperm, then there will no longer be a need for men! No longer will we have pointless wars! No longer will they dirty the house! No longer will they cheat on us! I can see a utopia ahead! I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel! Humankind may yet have a chance!

So please, go onto our website and petition, so we can raise more funds for this good cause.

This article was written by Hillary Clinton, Jenny Sanford, Silda Spitzer, Cynthia Rodriguez, Elizabeth Edwards, Dina Matos McGreevey, and others of NOW - "The National Organization for Women."

9 comments:

Daniel said...

please. a world without men. who'd set up that new ikea furniture? who'd take the car in for repairs? who'd HARVEST THE DAMN CROPS?

i'd like to see you TRY.

Jstone said...

everything you said in the first paragraph is wrong on an epic level.

David Pratt said...

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=952#comic

Alex said...

@Daniel-- I'm actually quite talented at putting together ikea furniture.

Now, killing bugs is another story...

ali d said...

I too am quite accomplished in the world of Swedish furniture. I own not one, but two Allen wrenches. And I'm pretty sure I could use them to fix the car and harvest the crops too. I'll get back to you on that.

Ozkirbas said...

Bacon!

B.Graham said...

I'm super good at harvesting crops.

B.Graham said...

also NOW is kind of like the PETA for females.

Ozkirbas said...

It's pretty much like someone took feminism, cut its face off, and started wearing it as a halloween mask