Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Last Christmas

It's weird to know exactly where you were one year ago from this exact moment. At some point tonight I realized what night it was, what tomorrow is, and exactly where I was one year ago today. In this room, who I was talking to, what I was thinking about and how I felt - an entire year ago, a unit and measurement of time that is making less and less sense to me at the moment because on the one hand it feels so long and on the other so incredibly short.

It was a year ago tonight, she came over. I had been really depressed that day, I don't remember why. She had seen her ex-boyfriend for the first time in a year or so. Things were rocky, but she had told him she was happy. We slept in the same bed.

The next day I had plans to go over for Christmas Eve. I bought a card with penguins on it that I probably still have somewhere, to go with a white gold and diamond dragonfly necklace (that I don't). I saw Robyn Milekowski with her husband at the Giant, and called Jacob. I got to her house, was handed a gift, asked what was wrong, had the gift taken back out of my hands, and was told to leave.
I went home, the biggest wreck I'd been in my entire life.

On Christmas I sat in the booth at the JCC facing the wall while I played Wallace and Grommit to little kids.

It suddenly occured to me that was one year ago. Today, tomorrow, and the next.
I'm in the same room.
And on Christmas I'll be in the booth playing movies for little kids.
For all the massive changes, the places stay the same.

It's a weird feeling to remember exactly where you were, what you said, what you did, what you felt - to the detail but detached, a year ago in a moment in time.

1 comment:

Daniel said...

i went through that shit all day today man. probably had something to do with not leaving the house and going a bit stir crazy, but you tend to remember where you are on christmas, jewish or not. i do.