Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Worst. Present. Ever.

Hello globe.

I haven't been sleeping much recently, which I mostly attribute to my ridiculous work schedule. I've recently been switched to the midnight-8am shift, and occasionally the 4am-noon shift, and my body just isn't cooperating. Today, on Christmas, I actually had a 9am-5pm day, a wonderful change of pace. Kind of fun hanging out with a newsroom of Jews actually. If ever there was a day to claim that Jews control the media, it's on Christmas, because that's the day we actually do. But hey, not our fault all the Christians took off today. Tomorrow though, it's back to the 4am-noon shift, and back to struggling with sleep.

If only the cure for lack of sleep were silver dollars. But alas, they probably are not, so my struggles continue. Yes yes, I'll explain.

This is the first time.. ever.. that I won't be home for Christmas/Hanukkah and all that. In fact, all three of my roommates left for home this week, so I'm home alone to myself. It's kind of strange, but I'm trying to enjoy it. Tuesday night I spent the evening sipping hot tea, eating cookies dunked in hot chocolate, eating home-made (but not too dry) falafel with hummus, and watching college basketball (Butler upset Xavier) and a movie (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest). Last night on Christmas eve, I got drunk on sangria with my friend SamLaz at La Tasca in Chinatown and went to bed early. Christmas time is an interesting time of the year for a Jew.

For instance, this past weekend I went to an "ugly Christmas sweater party," and also passed up an invitation to go to another one. I actually kind of like the idea of these parties... they're silly but sweet and innocent. Like puppies. Like WALL-E. I realized very quickly though that Christians actually own these sweaters, actually receive them as a gift, and I'd have to hit up the Value Village in College Park to fulfill my ultimate dreams.

"Ha ha ha," I laughed to myself (that's me, laughing to myself out loud) and thought about how much that would suck to get an ugly-ass, totally unwearable, comically emasculating sweater on what could have been the happiest day of the year.

But then I thought about Hanukkah. And I stopped laughing.

Now, I'll warn you, the follow piece of information might sound cute at first, but really it's just as sad those Christmas sweaters.

Every year, for Hanukkah, my grandpa gives me, my brother, and my two cousins each a single silver dollar. And a card. I think he takes a great deal of pride in those silver dollars. In fact, I don't think he goes to the bank to get them every year. I think he's had them piled in the top drawer of his dresser for years. I'm serious. My two cousins are now in their thirties, and my brother and I are 19 and 22. That's a lot of silver dollars. I've actually saved as many of these silver dollars as I can. At last count, I think I had about 14. This will be the first year I won't get one. It's kind of sad in a way.

EXCEPT I DON'T WANT AN EFFING SILVER DOLLAR FOR HANUKKAH AS MUCH, MAYBE MORE, THAN YOU DON'T WANT ANOTHER EFFING UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER.

My cousin Marti suggested that maybe sending me a silver dollar from our grandfather would make me feel better. Or that maybe when my family comes down to visit me in DC from NJ that they bring the silver dollar with them (I got this text from my mom last week: "we r coming to visit u dec 27.28 wkend like it or not here we come with the latkes!!" Who doesn't love texts from parents? C'mon. Anyway, I got them to push it back another week.)

So the question dawned on me. Which is worse: getting an ugly Christmas sweater or a silver dollar?

The answer is very obvious of course. Because silver dollars do not, in fact, cure sleep deprivation.

Merry Christmas everyone.

4 comments:

Jason Heat said...

Wall-E was the movie we played at the J today.

Also, I'll take your Silver Dollar.

Lindsay said...

as a halfy, i have received both of those presents on each respective holiday. the only reason i will agree with you on this (perhaps for the only time, ever, so enjoy it) is because the sweater was given to me at a much much younger age and we actually got to decorate it ourselves. that was kinda fun. happy chrismukka!

Skamanda said...

is this universally a jew thing? because i used to get those every. single. year as well

Marti said...

I too didn't get that silver dollar this year and feel a little bereft. Not because my life was missing the dollar, but because we didn't get to bond over the jokes that those coins illicit. Much of our family fun comes at the expense of those dollars (no pun intended) so I cherish that part of the gift.

So, this post is my way of sending you a silver e-dollar to see what you'll do with it. I want the gift of funny prose back!

Also, I still think they are better than the Christmas sweaters since they can be exchanged for good or services (cheap ones at least) but not as good as the Chanukah socks that I once got instead. They were just cool.

Lastly, we must be related. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is my all-time fav book and one of my fav movies. Hope you enjoyed as well.

Sleep well. Even if the silver dollars don't solve insomnia, listening to most of our family's stories might!