Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A True Leader: Rod Blagojevich

In a time of great uncertainty in American history, I am proud to present to you an unappreciated man. That gentleman is the recently arrested Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.

Rarely today do we see our political leaders with such incredible leadership abilities. I think now is as good a time as any to pay tribute to Rod, mostly because he's probably not going to be governor for much longer.

This is a man who knows how to spot opportunities and take advantage of them. A senate spot in Illinois is available and Rod was looking to make the most of it. But it didn't stop there. Also allegedly for sale: state jobs, state contracts and regulatory favors.

This is a man who knows what he wants and goes for it. According to a Chicago paper, "among the prizes Rod envisioned were a position in Obama's Cabinet, an ambassadorship, a $300,000 job with a union-backed group, and even a highly paid position for his wife, Patricia." Rod, I salute you!

This is a man who aims to be number one. "If it isn't the most corrupt state in the United States, it's certainly one hell of a competitor," said special agent Robert Grant of Chicago's FBI office. "Even the most cynical agents in our office were shocked." You can't argue with that!

This is a man with bravado. Rod was able to win the Governorship election back in 2002 based on a platform vowing to reform the culture of corruption that engulfed his predecessor, Republican George Ryan. That's a man with real balls.

This is a man with unparalleled leadership skills. According to a Chicago newspaper, Rod was involved in well-publicized federal corruption investigations that touched almost every aspect of his administration. Nearly every aspect of his administration was corrupt! What incredible wide-reaching leadership!

This brings me to the fact that this is a proud Chicago man of tradition. Just think of the legacy he's living up to! Since 1909 there has been famous Chicago men doing what Rod is doing. William "the blond boss" Lorimer famously bought a senate seat with bribes. Other famous Chicago scandals? The Chicago Black Sox in 1919, crime boss Capone in the 1920's, conspirator Giancana in the 1960's, and the previously mentioned George Ryan, sentenced to 6+ years in prison for 22 counts of racketeering and bribery.

This is a man who thinks ahead and can manage a lot of responsibility. A wide-ranging scheme to shakedown campaign donors and politicians for high-paying posts and millions of dollars in campaign contributions while simultaneously conspiring to commit wire fraud is no easy task. Damn right! You go Rod! I believe in you! I think you have what it takes!

Most of all, as a married man and a father of two, he's a true role model for his kids. A true family man.

These quotes come from the Chicago Tribune.
Tribune filed for bankruptcy this week.


Alex said...

You forgot to mention what an incredibly attractive man he is. I mean, think about it- would he have ever been so successful without that amazing hair?

Daniel said...

the sad thing is, being here, no one is surprised at all. illinois politics are just a corrupt mess. kinda makes you nervous...

Ami said...

Let us not forget Marion Barry: Caught on video smoking crack, elected mayor of Washington, D.C. once more AFTER he was released from prison, and his eloquent defense, you may ask? And I quote, "Bitch set me up".

Jason Heat said...

They usually do.

I mean...

Adam Z. Winer said...

omg that hair iz amazing!!

yeah strauss whats the word on the streets of illinois??

Daniel said...

everyone's appalled, but no one really liked rod much so they kinda just think he's getting what he had coming.

they're writing him into the new second city show, it's slated to open sunday.